That Dishy Vicar!

One of my favorite shows is Keeping Up Appearances. In the show, the main character, Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced BooKAY!) is also the pariah. Nobody likes her and tries to avoid her when possible. Her husband Richard, a long suffering bloke, somehow puts up with her.
There are many characters, but the character I want to tell about is "that dishy Vicar!"
Yum.

Of course, finding my way over to England was not a simple task-and back in time as well, but I managed and found myself, face to face with-you guessed it! The Vicar!

"Hello," he said.
"Hi." I was wearing nothing but a pink negligee and was on his bed. Waiting.
"Um, er, you've got to get out of here, Miss, um," he rushed over and lifted me by my shoulders in an attempt to get me to leave. "My wife will be back soon, and she won't take too kindly to, um, a young lady in my bed."
I laughed. And laughed. "Oh Vicar! You silly man, come with me, I've got something to show you," I swept out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, pulling him by the hand. "There! See!"
He stared. His wife was frozen, a skillet poised over the stove in the air.
"What is this?"
"This, my darling Vicar is a dream. I'm here for you to enjoy me."
He poked at his wife, "Dear, can you hear me?"
"She can't hear you, she's in suspended animation. And I'm not really here," I told him.
"Oh." He attempted to get her attention again and only succeeded in knocking her over.
"Oh dear, let me help you with that." I helped him right his wife.
"So, this is a dream then?"
"Yes," I grabbed his hand and let him to the bedroom.
"And I can do anything I want?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Yes." I sat him on the bed and then I straddled his lap.
"It doesn't count as being unfaithful if it's dream, does it?" He asked hopefully.
"My dear, you're the Vicar."
"Yes, yes, quite right. Of course. Doesn't count." He dragged my face down for a long sensual kiss.
"Oh Vicar!"
"Call me Michael."
"You can call me Hilda!"
He wasted no time in divesting me of my negligee. "These, are a dream," he said, his hand on my lily white breasts with the bubble gum nipples. "May I?"
"Of course."
He bent to his task, licking and sucking my nipples-and with great expertise, I might add.
"These," he pulled upon my see-thru pink panties, "must be taken off with my teeth." And he did so.

Then, spreading my legs, he ran his hands up and down my inner thighs and then he followed with his tongue. "Beautiful," he murmured as he opened up my nether lips and began licking me. His tongue ran up and down and side to side, faster and faster, his finger in my little blonde vaggie, fucking me with great expertise. I began to moan and gasp with pleasure, I could hardly stand it and then- I came, came hard.
"Oh that was very good, very good," he said. "Would you like me to tie you up?"
"What?"
"Tie you up."
"Um, okay."
"Excellent!" He clapped his hands and charged into the closet. Triumphantly he emerged with two bathrobe ties. Taking one wrist and tying it to the bedpost, and then the other, he stood back and looked at me, "Bloody shame we haven't got any more bathrobe ties. Ties! Wait, that's it!" He bounded back into the closet and emerged with two ties, which he used to tie my feet to the bed. "Oh! And blindfold!" He darted back into the closet and came back with another tie, which he used to blindfold me. "And now, I'm going to fuck you!" He announced.
Blindfolded, I lay passive on the bed. Who knew that the Vicar was into bondage?! I felt his lips caressing my neck and then my lips. He kissed me passionately, his tongue sliding in and out, I could taste myself on him. I sucked madly upon his bottom lip.
"I'm getting very very hard," he said, "feel that." he brought his penis up to my hand. It was rock hard. I stroked it as best I could with the bathrobe tie holding me securely to the bed. He was, of course, uncircumcised.
"Let me suck it," I begged.
He obliged, bringing it right up to my mouth. I licked the tip and rolled his foreskin with my lips. He brought it in and out of my mouth. When I tongued his frenulum, he said, "that's enough," and brought his cock to my cunt. He pushed it in and out and I struggled to accommodate his girth. "Oh, Michael, Michael," I moaned.
"Hilda," he crooned hoarsely, his cock pummeling me as his thumb stroked my clitoris.
We came together.

"I will never forget you, Hilda," he said tenderly, kissing me full on the mouth.
"Nor, I you, Michael," I faded away, the ties (all of them went back to the closet) and the Vicar then woke up from his dream.

That's right. It was a dream. So it didn't count.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Butter Lettuce Salad

I have created a new salad! The base is butter lettuce, then cucumbers are sliced on. Next, we add a few sliced strawberries, some tabouli (which Trader Joe's (TM) spells with two b's) and then some balela, yet another item from Trader Joe's (TM). Last some balsamic fig dressing and then some vegan caesar. Yummy!
But of course, there's more. A fantasy, be it ever so brief.
He walks into the room. And I know. What do I know? That I could fuck him if I wanted to. Not taking his eyes off me, he takes me by the hand and we go upstairs.
The stairway twists and turns. It is made of glass. Or it LOOKS like it's made of glass (it's probably plexiglass).
His eyes are a pale blue and they blaze at me with great intensity. "Hilda," he says, "I want you more than any woman I've ever known."
I throw my head back and laugh. "It's okay, Bart. You don't have to say silly things like that."
"But I mean it, I do!" He kissed my hand reverently.
I sigh. He's 29. How DO I get myself into these things?

He picks me up and carries me into the bedroom. Odd. Everything is frilly. The bed has a pastel blue canopy and there are matching curtains. Hmm.

"Is this your place?"
He blushes furiously. "It's my sister's."
"You sister's?"
"And her huband's."
"She has a husband that puts up with this?" I wave my hand around the room.
He grins. "He is a wee bit of a pussy."
"I'll never tell!" We giggle madly and he lowers me onto the bed.

"I like these," he says as he peels off my black stockings.
"Thank you," I say, cupping his balls through his trousers, "I like these!" Again, we giggle like mad as he strips down to zero. He holds his erection and asks, "What would you like to do with this?
"What wouldn't I want to do with that?" His cock is heavenly, perfectly large and thick with a beautiful foreskin that peels back beautifully in my mouth.
"Mmm, I like that."
"I thought you would. 69?"
"Oh, GOD, yes!" He spins me so that my little blonde vaggie is right close to his mouth. He begins to lick as I suck and suck. I twist my hand up and down his shaft as I lick back and forth on the tip, being sure to pull back the foreskin with each twist.
At the same time, he is kissing my thighs, opening my nether lips with his fingers and then licking my clit back and forth, as he licks his tongue gains speed until..until.. I am coming and he is coming.

He doesn't taste bad. And he assures me that I am delicious.

And then we fuck.

I am,

Hilda Stinson