Last year I wrote a post which ultimately lead to the failure of yours truly to be like MLK. I have decided that I can only be me-and that's it! You have got to love me for me, my darling fans. And speaking of fans: I have two new ones! This is so exciting! Thank you for joining us!
Yesterday I searched in vain for the new Whole Foods. It is on River, apparently, but I drove up and down it, looking. In utter disgust, I went home, and on the way realized that I was starving. I had to have a burger and fries, so I drove into the Dairy Queen (TM). There were a lot of pictures of hot dogs, which did not bode well for my craving.
"Do you have burgers?" I asked the teen behind the counter.
"No. We don't. Just what you see on the menu."
"Well, could you wrap up a Buster bar (TM)?"
"Sure."
So I took my Buster bar (TM) in its bag and put it in the trunk to go look for a burger.
The next fast food restaurant I saw was Wienerschnitzel (TM), a place I'd never eaten at before. I ordered a chili burger (with EVERYTHING), a small fry and a diet soda, pulled over into a spot and ate. The chili was a little salty and the burger a little dry (and it was VERY small!) but there were pickles in it and the fries were fresh and delicious. After I ate that I ate the Buster bar (TM). Now, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to finish it because the last time I had one, the man who sold it to me had warned me I probably wouldn't be able to finish it because they were "very filling". But I DID finish it and it was amazing. Creamy ice cream surrounded by crunchy peanuts and sweet chocolate (okay the chocolate could have been a better quality) and the sweet goo inside were magic to my mouth. Yum! The only thing was, I knew I would not need to eat again for the rest of the day. Whew! What a meal!
Happy MLK everybody!
I remain,
Hilda Stinson
Monday, January 21, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Happy New Year
to all of my loyal fans. Yes. All eleven of you.
Now before I tell about New Years's Eve, which was the BEST EVER! I must write about my latest obsession: double burgers from McDonalds (TM) followed by a bean burrito from Taco Bell (TM).
Yesterday I had such a craving, so I got the double burger and it was delicious; today, I got another one, sans cheese-and lemme tell you, the cheese disguises how bad the meat tastes. That's why they put cheese on all their burgers! So never again sans cheese. And, possibly never again. I may have had my fill of McDonalds (TM) for the rest of my life. As for the bean burrito, the one I had yesterday and the one I had today were both fine, but one must eat it carefully, lest the contents spill out onto you. So the technique is to bite and suck and bite and chew. Given it's shape, it's a little like cock sucking. Not all that much because you're CHEWING and all, but the little licks and sucks that must be administered are comparable.
New Year's: This time, I actually had a date in the mortal world. His name was Davis Black and he was the brother of Purvis Black. Purvis has been trying to get into my pants for the last eon. But I'm not interested. His teeth are far too big and he is too blonde and entirely too fond of having his cock sucked. Not that I'm against cock sucking, but this guy is just into THAT and that alone. He never fucks. Which is hilarious, actually. (He probably would have come immediately just watching me eat that burrito.)
I met his brother, Davis on Sat night and we played pool against Purvis, who beat us senseless. But we figured, it was just a game and who cares? Then we just talked. And THEN he asked me to go out with him for New Year's. I had been planning on spending it with Mal, but I figure, how often do I get a chance to be with a mortal? SO I decided to go. Mal wouldn't care anyway.
He picked me up in his Mercedes (TM), which was big and black and off we went!
At midnight, he kissed me for the first time in an Irish bar: "Your lips are so soft."
After the Irish bar, we went to this hot dog stand and got something called a Sonoran dog. It is a hot dog which has EVERYTHING on it, including a hot pepper (which we eschewed). The bun was soft and cradled itself lovingly around the dog, which had even mayonnaise! on it. Wrapped in bacon and drenched in chili, ketchup, and mustard (along with the aforementioned mayonnaise-the surprise ingredient) it was truly a masterpiece in my mouth.
After eating the dog, we went to a disco and this was when he told me I was "so cute".
Last, there was this kiss, this amazing kiss.
I don't even think I can describe it.
Holla, Davis Black.
I remain,
Hilda Stinson
Now before I tell about New Years's Eve, which was the BEST EVER! I must write about my latest obsession: double burgers from McDonalds (TM) followed by a bean burrito from Taco Bell (TM).
Yesterday I had such a craving, so I got the double burger and it was delicious; today, I got another one, sans cheese-and lemme tell you, the cheese disguises how bad the meat tastes. That's why they put cheese on all their burgers! So never again sans cheese. And, possibly never again. I may have had my fill of McDonalds (TM) for the rest of my life. As for the bean burrito, the one I had yesterday and the one I had today were both fine, but one must eat it carefully, lest the contents spill out onto you. So the technique is to bite and suck and bite and chew. Given it's shape, it's a little like cock sucking. Not all that much because you're CHEWING and all, but the little licks and sucks that must be administered are comparable.
New Year's: This time, I actually had a date in the mortal world. His name was Davis Black and he was the brother of Purvis Black. Purvis has been trying to get into my pants for the last eon. But I'm not interested. His teeth are far too big and he is too blonde and entirely too fond of having his cock sucked. Not that I'm against cock sucking, but this guy is just into THAT and that alone. He never fucks. Which is hilarious, actually. (He probably would have come immediately just watching me eat that burrito.)
I met his brother, Davis on Sat night and we played pool against Purvis, who beat us senseless. But we figured, it was just a game and who cares? Then we just talked. And THEN he asked me to go out with him for New Year's. I had been planning on spending it with Mal, but I figure, how often do I get a chance to be with a mortal? SO I decided to go. Mal wouldn't care anyway.
He picked me up in his Mercedes (TM), which was big and black and off we went!
At midnight, he kissed me for the first time in an Irish bar: "Your lips are so soft."
After the Irish bar, we went to this hot dog stand and got something called a Sonoran dog. It is a hot dog which has EVERYTHING on it, including a hot pepper (which we eschewed). The bun was soft and cradled itself lovingly around the dog, which had even mayonnaise! on it. Wrapped in bacon and drenched in chili, ketchup, and mustard (along with the aforementioned mayonnaise-the surprise ingredient) it was truly a masterpiece in my mouth.
After eating the dog, we went to a disco and this was when he told me I was "so cute".
Last, there was this kiss, this amazing kiss.
I don't even think I can describe it.
Holla, Davis Black.
I remain,
Hilda Stinson
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