Internet Starvation

My darling fans,

So much has happened in the past few months, and yet I have failed to connect with you all. The reason? Well, I've moved-and during that time, so did my neighbors who kept their internet connection unlocked and so...Yes. Hilda is VAR VAR bad. Spank me now then. All right?

The new house also has neighbors, none of whom keep their internet open. Go figure. All locked up. With passwords and everything. As for me, I have contacted T-Mobile so that I can get internet from my mobile phone with "Hotspot". It's only going to be 65 dollars a month for unlimited talk, text and internet! And tethering to my computer. SO YAAAAAAAAAY.

So of course, you're wondering where I am typing this! I am at the local community college where I THOUGHT I had signed up for a class. Maybe not.

I have to go and talk to them.

As for food? Well, yesterday I bought some Haagen Daaz gelato: Salted Caramel and Strattaccio, which is really a fancy Italian way of saying "Chocolate Chip"- with REALLY tiny chips. Yeah. So I have to confess that they were on sale, these gelatos. But honestly? What a disappointment. But of course, they were on sale. That's why. NTS: NEVER buy a yummy on sale.

New discoveries? Sadly none lately. Since I've moved away there has been no Chinese. It's very very sad. And I don't think there is a Rubio's (TM) nearby either.

And this IS a public computer, so I'm afraid that we will have to catch up on "other things" another time.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Vanilla Ice Cream (with a brief nod to Mimi Stong)

Mimi Strong writes in the first person in the same way that Judy Blume does, except she's SOSOSO erotic. (Just a brief rec before diving into today's fantasy!) Also, she wrote a story entitled Laura's Two Ice Cream Boys. And no, she doesn't have them together at the same time. (That would be a Jayne Rylon or a Lorelei James novel where that kind of thing DOES happen. Not all the time, but in their worlds, those things can and DO happen!)

Also, fans, I now have an email for which you can write me at! True, none of you, or very FEW of you have used the comments part, but you know, the right fan mail can end up guest starring on the blog. And don't you want the fame and fortune? I know you do! (hildastinsonfanmail@gmail.com)

It all began one day when the Captain came home bringing a HUGE vat of vanilla ice cream-and then had to dash off. Darn. Gorramit. And fuck! I mean. No fuck. FUCK!

After the sanitization process, I stepped off the glass elevation device and lay down, naked in the ice cream. It was cold, but I was very very hot and I needed to cool off. I lay there on my back, my hands dredging through the ice cream, I brought a bit to my mouth: it was cool and creamy. Delicious! Laying back, I made a snow angel and then rolled over onto my stomach, only to find that, inside me and underneath me, there was a pretty blonde whose cock was (I squeezed to check) INSIDE me!

"Kiss me, " he murmured.

I put my hand on his face and fluffed his porno stache with my finger. Scratchy. "Okay.". I leaned over him and put my lips to his and began to kiss him, my tongue running over his lips. His mouth was hot and I devoured his mouth as he began to thrust beneath me. "Oh, yes, good, " I said, taking up the challenge and I rode him, up and down, feeling his cock going in and out of me. Then I leaned forward and he took my breasts in his hands and guided them both to his mouth. He licked and sucked expertly as I ground myself against him.

"I want to taste you," he said, gently pushing me over onto my back as he ran his mouth down my body.  He lapped and gently bit my lower abdominal area and then he moved to my thighs, gently kissing and licking. He then took both hands, smoothed them down my thighs, and then up to my little blonde vaggie which he opened and began licking, back and forth as he massaged my thighs. Then he
took a finger and put it inside me as he licked and sucked at me, he finger fucked me, over and over again until I began to sing. Loudly.

"Oh, I like the sound of that," he said as he pushed his cock into me, in and out, holding my hands down in the ice cream, he took possession of me, fucking me, kissing me, his mouth kissing me savagely, his stache rubbing the hell out of my face (which, honestly, I didn't mind). "I'm going to make you come," he said.

"From fucking? I never come that way," I told him.

"You can and you will," he said, sliding out of me to go back to licking and sucking my clit. He then flipped me onto my stomach and entered me from behind, his hand firmly on my pussy, he rubbed and stroked my click as he fucked me until I was gasping. His hard cock rammed in and out of me and I felt the build up, the excitement- and he fucked faster and faster, his hand continued to rub my clit and then, he stiffened and I could feel his cum flooding me. My own orgasm coincided with his and I didn't know where he ended and I began. Then he kissed me. It was a kiss of hot desperate passion. He broke kiss to pull me close to me. "Was that okay?" He asked shyly.

"It was AMAZING!"

We then lay there, stunned in the vanilla ice cream, our hot bodies melting it. The vat was deep and had drainage at the bottom, so there was still a hard layer to lie upon. We dozed a bit, and then, I looked deeply into his eyes. They were a true blue. I kissed his eyelids and then his lips; then I realized that he was hard again.

"Please, can I," I took his stiffening cock in my hand and pumped it gently. "Let me suck it," I scooted down so that I was between his legs and put the head in my mouth. Licking the head as I pumped the shaft, he moaned. I then sucked fiercely, licking the frenulum between sucks as I twisted my hand up and down, up and down. I reached beneath his cock and touched his balls, and then, withdrawing my mouth, I sucked on each ball, and then back to his cock.

"I am so hard, so hard," he murmured.

I continued my ministrations sucking and licking and twisting until I felt him grow harder and harder. Then he came. He tasted like vanilla ice cream!

"You," he said, "give the most incredible head I've ever had."

"As do you," I told him.

Then we did it all again. (Of course!)

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Broken Bunny

While at the Colony we were encouraged to engaged in any particular fantasies we might have. Or even, fantasies our friends might have.

At dinner one night, we encountered a somber young gentleman who wore only a cast. He was accompanied by his wife, who modestly wore a lobster bib. Of course they WERE having lobster, but still. It seemed a bit much.

"Bunny, sweetie, let me cut your meat for you," she said.

He sighed with resignation.

"Is there anything we can do?" Mal approached.

"No. I don't like asking for help."

"Anything you'd like from the kitchen, then?"

"Oh, no, he's perfectly well fed," his wife said.

"I just want some chicken wings," he said petulantly, "in bleu cheese sauce and ranch to dip them in," he finished mournfully.

"Well, since I own the place," Mal said, "I suppose we could rustle some up for you."

I gave him a funny look. "You own the place?"

He grinned.

"Oh Lord."

The next thing I knew, Mal had summoned a large tub out to the dining area that was filled with bleu cheese dressing on one side, and ranch on the other.

"Here, let me help you in," he said, as he assisted Bunny into the tub.

"This is really great!" Bunny was in hog heaven.

"I don't know about this, dear," his wife said.

"Oh, pish tosh, Esmerelda! It's high time I had a little fun!" He sunk into the tub. "Ah, that's nice and cool."

"But just wait!" Mal exclaimed.

A host of waiters appeared with hot wings and gently deposited them into the tub.

"Ah, this is the life," Bunny reached down and grabbed a wing and ate it with gusto. "Do get in with me, Esmerelda."

She sighed and got in.

I never saw a happier couple.

I love my Captain!

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Our Adventures Continue

The next day I woke up with Tom's hard cock pressing against my mouth. He had just showered but hadn't shaved.

"Where's Mal?" I asked sleepily.

"Right here." Mal emerged from the bathroom. He had shaved and he strode toward the bed, a gleam in his eyes. He promptly peeled back the sheet and opened my legs. "Mmm, Hilda," he said, giving my little blonde vaggie a lick.

"Right-O." I stuck put my hand around Tom's cock and inserted it in my mouth as Mal licked me.

"Oh, Hilda," Tom groaned as I sucked on the head of his ginormous penis.

"Where's Agnes?" I asked between sucks.

"Playing tennis," Tom said.

"Tennis!" I exclaimed, sitting up.

"Hilda, lie back down, " Mal grabbed my legs and put me back in a supine position.

"Quite all right," Tom said, rubbing his cock against my lips. "She's perfectly fine with it."

"Perfectly fine with it?" I attempted to sit up again.

"Down, Hilda," Mal insisted, giving my inner thigh a lick.

"Yeah, she said something about having it in a bit, after tennis."

"I had no idea she was such a fanatic."

"Oh yes," Tom's erection appeared to deflate a bit. "Absolute fanatic, but she should be back soon."

"Give him a good suck, darling," Mal admonished.

"Oh, yes, do!" Agnes exclaimed as she entered the room, sweaty in her tennis whites. "I'll be out directly." She stripped off her outfit and headed for the bathroom.

"Well. All right." I took Tom's cock back in my hand and put it back in my mouth.

"That's better," Mal said, as he continued to lick my clit.

"Oh. Yes. Much," I agreed as I ran my hand up and down the length of Tom's cock, sucking on the head as Mal licked me.

When Agnes joined us, she was still slightly damp from the shower, but no matter. Tom took it upon himself to feast upon her as Mal fucked me. It was divine.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Colony Food: Raw Like Us

.

We gingerly hugged Agnes and Tom and then promptly set out for the first activity.

"This should be fun," Mal said as he took my hand.

"Where are we going? What are we going to do?"

"We are going to catch lizards!"

"Catch lizards!"

"Yes, you see, they are a delicacy here. Served raw."

"Raw?" I felt a bit off about this.

We came to a fenced off area that had tables and chairs set around the perimeter. In the dirt, really, it was dirt, there was no other way to put it, hundreds of lizards squirmed, ran and chased after nothing. Or rather sought escape.

Imagine: about 35 naked people chasing after lizards!

The lizards were the exact color of the dirt, and they were heinously fast, which made it rather difficult to catch them, but Mal managed.

"Ah, there you are!" He picked it up by its tail and bit its head off. Striding over the closest table, he set his lizard on a plate. "Now you try it."

"Must I?" I asked weakly.

"Look, there's Agnes biting the head off of one now."

I watched her chew and swallow. She appeared to be enjoying it. So much for help from one's friends!

"And, there, look, Tom's got one!" He too appeared to enjoy eating raw live lizard.

"Tom, Agnes, come, sit with us," Mal said to them.

"Thank you, " Tom said as he deposited his lizard onto a plate.

"Yes, wonderful to run into you here," Agnes said. "Perhaps we could have some MLK action later?" She peered hopefully at me.

"Oh. Lord in heaven." I rolled my eyes. "Of course we'll switch, we always do, darling. But this lizard thing."

"Oh. That," Agnes giggled. "They really are delicious, try it, Hildy."

"Well, all right." I squatted down in the dirt and waited for a lizard to run past.

"You've got to run and catch one!" Mal said.

"I am not doing any running without my super industrial strength bra," I told him firmly.

"The Freya (TM)?"

"You remember!" I  beamed at him.

"Lizard, Hilda. Lizard."

"Oh, very well," I reached down and snatched a lizard and bit its head off. It was crunchy, of course and the body wiggled about as I bit the head off, but overall, not bad. Kind of like a large hazelnut. I deposited my headless lizard on a plate.

"Oh goody! Now we can dine!" Agnes exclaimed.

We all sat and ate the rest of our lizards. A bit dry, to be sure, but overall, not bad tasting.

Next, we adjourned to the hotel bar where we all got snockered on mojitos.

Then we had a foursome.

La!

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

The Colony

Typical nudist colonies are inhabited by people who are ugly and out of shape. That's what I think. Or rather thought, until I stumbled upon this one.

I was thinking: what if there was one where ALL the people were attractive? Given that if you believe it, you can achieve it, I set out to find one, with the Captain's help, of course!

The Captain had been gone quite some time, and when he showed up, he saw me and he saw Thur and he frowned. This had never happened before because the Captain is a man with a generous nature, so I was a little stunned.

"Thank you for taking care of Hilda," Mal said as he enveloped me into his arms.

"You're welcome," Thur promptly dissolved into a pile of goo, then evaporated.

"Man, that was weird!" I exclaimed.

"They're not supposed to mingle with humans," Mal told me sternly.

"No?"

"No." He put his finger to my lips, "Don't speak of it."

"Why?"

He sighed, "It just 'ent proper. Angels being shiny and good and then they-"

"What's wrong with it? Is Thur, " I gulped, "dead?"

"No, baby. He's just gone back to whence he come."

"But he was so nice."

"He wasn't real and his time was up."

"His time?"

"Angels can only maintain corporeal form for a short time, then they dissolve, evaporate."

"How do you know all this?"

"Met a man in a bar once, he had one. 'Course, I didn't believe him, but he told me that he was lucky he got away when he did. He nearly dissolved with her. "

"What?"

"Yeah. It's not exactly safe." He hugged me close. "I missed you."

"I missed you too."

He grinned. "Guess where we're going?"

I jumped up and down, "Disneyland?"

He laughed. "Better."

We jumped into his vehicle, he set the coordinates and bam! We were there: at The Colony.

When we got out of the ship, we were surrounded by a field of purple flowers.

"Gorram, it."

"Aw, Mal, it's pretty."

"Pretty! Not so nice to walk through in skin."

"But, we're dressed."

"Not for long." He tore off his garments and proceeded to strip me. "Let's go," he said, leaving our clothes on the seats.

The walk through the flowers was a wee bit scratchy, but we survived.

"Are we the only people here?"

"No," Mal said, "Look!" He pointed and over in the distance, I could see people walking about. They were all naked. And everyone looked good. It was as if all the good looking porn actors has been mysteriously whisked to this realm.

"Wow!"

"Yeah, I thought you'd like it."

"Look! Agnes and Tom!"

"Shiny."

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Angel Food (not EXACTLY cake)

Thur picked me up and carried me over the threshold of the suite. The room was elegantly furnished and the bed was king sized.

"Do you even know how long I've been waiting for this?"
"No."
"A very, very long time." He sighed, kissed me passionately and set me gently on the bed. "Something you should know, something you should see." He began to unbutton his shirt.
"Here, let me," I finished unbuttoning him and he slid his shirt off and then he pulled off his t-shirt. He had worn a v-neck under his dress shirt, which I thought was unusual, considering how hot it is in Tucson.
He turned his back to me and then a white glow began to pulsate out of his back. "Stand back a bit," he warned.
I shifted away from him, never taking my eyes off the white glow, which kept getting brighter and brighter-and then, wings appeared.

"You're, an- um, angel?" I asked uncertainly.

"Yeah. Is that a problem?"

I gingerly touched the wings protruding out of his back. "You're, you're beautiful." I said. The white glow that had emanated out of his back completely surrounded him and I touched his face gently. A  tear slipped out and I gently wiped it away.

"You want me."

"Yes."

"Like a human woman wants a human man."

"Yes."

"This doesn't bother you, my true form?"

"You're beautiful." I kissed him slowly and deeply, climbed onto his lap facing him, my hands on his face.

"So are you." He stroked my naturally platinum blonde hair and pulled gently.

"Ouch."

"Sorry."

"Can you, um, you know, do this with the wings out?"

He laughed. "I can do anything." He ran his hand down my body and my clothes disappeared!

"That was a neat trick."

He took my hand and ran it down his body and the rest of his clothes disappeared as well.

"But, you know, I really liked that outfit I was wearing." I paused. "And you didn't even get to see the hot lingerie I was wearing!"

He laughed, "Relax, I can make everything reappear too."

"Okay. Prove it."

He snapped his fingers. And we were both fully dressed!!!!

"Prove it again," I laughed.

He blinked and we were naked again.

"Wait, can you just put the lingerie on me and then you can take it off manually?"

He laughed. "Sure."

The little black bra and panty set reappeared.

And then: he put me on my back, kissed my stomach. "I love this, " he said, running his powerful hands over my fatly little tummy. "And this," he took my face in his hands and kissed me. Then he was on my neck.

"Careful, no marks," I had to tell him.

"Don't worry, I can make them go away."

"Of course you can." Yes. Thur could do anything. That was evident.

"I like this," he touched the bra and put his mouth on the fabric that was covering my nipple, "but it has got to come off.

"Okay." I reached around and undid the clasp, throwing the bra to the side.

"Now these," he said as he cupped my breasts, "these are beautiful."

"Yes. Bubble gum colored nipples. A favorite flavor of yours, I hope."

He paused, then said, "Yup, " as he devoured each one. He worked his way down to my belly and then, he ran his hand over the sheer black fabric on my panties. "I like these too," he said as he skimmed his mouth over the area covering my mons, "but these too, must come off." He pulled them down and off. Running his hands over my thighs he opened them and rained kisses upon my adductors,  my anticipation building as his hands caressed my little bottom . When he finally reached my little blonde vaggie, he began licking me. Up and down and left to right, over and over again, until he felt me come. I came hard.

"You know, I have never sucked angel cock before," I told him.

"Never?" He grinned. "What do you want me to taste like?"

"Angel. You, " I said, as I put my mouth on him and began to lick. He was so incredibly hard. "Come for me," I said. "Wait. Can you get it up again really fast so you can fuck me?"

He laughed. "Yeah."

"Okay." I moved my hand up and down his shaft as I suctioned the tip and licked his frenulum. When he came, I swallowed it all. And the taste? Angel food cake.

"It tastes like whatever you want it to taste like," he said as if he could read my thoughts.

"Can you read my mind?"

"Maybe," he grinned.

"Then you know what I want now, don't you?"

He lay me down on the bed and got on top of me and pushed into me. Yikes! Every stroke felt so very good, it was like nothing I'd ever felt before.

Then we slept. And slept.

When I woke he was between my legs, licking me.

"Thur!"

"Yes?" He blinked and looked up at me.

"I want you to fuck me."

And so he did.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

The Angel Thur

My darling fans, as most of you know, I have the ability to slide between universes, or rather, slide throughout the multiverse, to be precise, using the ship that my darling Captain allows me to pilot when he's off fighting bad guys.

Yeah. The Captain has been gone quite a bit, but I'm used to it now, I guess. Being alone most of the time, I must confess, random assignations with vicars and the like has been rather empty, albeit amusing.

I decided that what I needed was to read Lorelei James and hope that somehow her philosophy of life would sink in and substitute for a relationship that I would find fulfilling and on my own plane of existence. So that's what I've been doing the last month, luxuriating in the stories about the McKay family and how they meet their soul mates. Let's see: I believe I have read over 14 Lorelei James stories in the past month, probably more, hoping and waiting. Or rather, to be honest, almost dreading my moment, because of the worry of handing an actual relationship.

Lovin' Spoonfuls is a vegan restaurant over on Campbell and Thur, brother of Thor, the thunder god had agreed to meet me there. We had spent hours on the phone and my first thought was: I'm not going to like him. I'm not going to be attracted to him; because every time I've had long conversations with people it's been a waste of time. I like them on the phone and then I meet them and it's like: oh. Fuck. Nevermind. Shit.

His picture, I had liked his picture, check, we got on well on the phone, check, we both have similar jobs, check. Lots in common: check, check, check. But I had to wonder.

He wore Wranglers (TM) - just like a Lorelei James character!!! And he wore his keys on his belt (very similar to MY paranoia of losing my keys which are ALWAYS in my pocket or attached to me in some way!)

His eyes and hair were brown. He had a wee bit of gray in his hair-just like me!

And he was not vegan, but had agreed to meet me there ANYWAY. So I ordered dolmas (rice encased in grape leaves) and a caesar salad for us to share. The dolmas were delicious, as was the salad, but I could barely taste them, as focused as I was on Thur.

For dessert, I got up and got us a piece of chocolate chip cake. HEAVENLY! We shared it. Chocolate cake with white icing that had tiny pieces of chocolate chips melted on my tongue.

Next we were off to The Cheesecake Factory (TM) where I had a drink called the Firefly! (Shades of the Captain!) It was a tangy orange alcoholic confection. Delicious. Thur had a milkshake, of which I had dipped my finger in the whipped cream and tasted. Hmm. Not so nice. Since I am off dairy, but he had me distracted and by the time the milkshake had arrived I was already drunk, so I was not thinking when I tasted his whipped cream.

Last, the first time we kissed: I offered him some gum and I put it in his mouth, he licked my fingers and sucked on them a little bit as I put it into his mouth. And then, he just took me and kissed me. It was powerful.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

That Dishy Vicar!

One of my favorite shows is Keeping Up Appearances. In the show, the main character, Hyacinth Bucket (pronounced BooKAY!) is also the pariah. Nobody likes her and tries to avoid her when possible. Her husband Richard, a long suffering bloke, somehow puts up with her.
There are many characters, but the character I want to tell about is "that dishy Vicar!"
Yum.

Of course, finding my way over to England was not a simple task-and back in time as well, but I managed and found myself, face to face with-you guessed it! The Vicar!

"Hello," he said.
"Hi." I was wearing nothing but a pink negligee and was on his bed. Waiting.
"Um, er, you've got to get out of here, Miss, um," he rushed over and lifted me by my shoulders in an attempt to get me to leave. "My wife will be back soon, and she won't take too kindly to, um, a young lady in my bed."
I laughed. And laughed. "Oh Vicar! You silly man, come with me, I've got something to show you," I swept out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, pulling him by the hand. "There! See!"
He stared. His wife was frozen, a skillet poised over the stove in the air.
"What is this?"
"This, my darling Vicar is a dream. I'm here for you to enjoy me."
He poked at his wife, "Dear, can you hear me?"
"She can't hear you, she's in suspended animation. And I'm not really here," I told him.
"Oh." He attempted to get her attention again and only succeeded in knocking her over.
"Oh dear, let me help you with that." I helped him right his wife.
"So, this is a dream then?"
"Yes," I grabbed his hand and let him to the bedroom.
"And I can do anything I want?"
"Yes."
"Really?"
"Yes." I sat him on the bed and then I straddled his lap.
"It doesn't count as being unfaithful if it's dream, does it?" He asked hopefully.
"My dear, you're the Vicar."
"Yes, yes, quite right. Of course. Doesn't count." He dragged my face down for a long sensual kiss.
"Oh Vicar!"
"Call me Michael."
"You can call me Hilda!"
He wasted no time in divesting me of my negligee. "These, are a dream," he said, his hand on my lily white breasts with the bubble gum nipples. "May I?"
"Of course."
He bent to his task, licking and sucking my nipples-and with great expertise, I might add.
"These," he pulled upon my see-thru pink panties, "must be taken off with my teeth." And he did so.

Then, spreading my legs, he ran his hands up and down my inner thighs and then he followed with his tongue. "Beautiful," he murmured as he opened up my nether lips and began licking me. His tongue ran up and down and side to side, faster and faster, his finger in my little blonde vaggie, fucking me with great expertise. I began to moan and gasp with pleasure, I could hardly stand it and then- I came, came hard.
"Oh that was very good, very good," he said. "Would you like me to tie you up?"
"What?"
"Tie you up."
"Um, okay."
"Excellent!" He clapped his hands and charged into the closet. Triumphantly he emerged with two bathrobe ties. Taking one wrist and tying it to the bedpost, and then the other, he stood back and looked at me, "Bloody shame we haven't got any more bathrobe ties. Ties! Wait, that's it!" He bounded back into the closet and emerged with two ties, which he used to tie my feet to the bed. "Oh! And blindfold!" He darted back into the closet and came back with another tie, which he used to blindfold me. "And now, I'm going to fuck you!" He announced.
Blindfolded, I lay passive on the bed. Who knew that the Vicar was into bondage?! I felt his lips caressing my neck and then my lips. He kissed me passionately, his tongue sliding in and out, I could taste myself on him. I sucked madly upon his bottom lip.
"I'm getting very very hard," he said, "feel that." he brought his penis up to my hand. It was rock hard. I stroked it as best I could with the bathrobe tie holding me securely to the bed. He was, of course, uncircumcised.
"Let me suck it," I begged.
He obliged, bringing it right up to my mouth. I licked the tip and rolled his foreskin with my lips. He brought it in and out of my mouth. When I tongued his frenulum, he said, "that's enough," and brought his cock to my cunt. He pushed it in and out and I struggled to accommodate his girth. "Oh, Michael, Michael," I moaned.
"Hilda," he crooned hoarsely, his cock pummeling me as his thumb stroked my clitoris.
We came together.

"I will never forget you, Hilda," he said tenderly, kissing me full on the mouth.
"Nor, I you, Michael," I faded away, the ties (all of them went back to the closet) and the Vicar then woke up from his dream.

That's right. It was a dream. So it didn't count.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Butter Lettuce Salad

I have created a new salad! The base is butter lettuce, then cucumbers are sliced on. Next, we add a few sliced strawberries, some tabouli (which Trader Joe's (TM) spells with two b's) and then some balela, yet another item from Trader Joe's (TM). Last some balsamic fig dressing and then some vegan caesar. Yummy!
But of course, there's more. A fantasy, be it ever so brief.
He walks into the room. And I know. What do I know? That I could fuck him if I wanted to. Not taking his eyes off me, he takes me by the hand and we go upstairs.
The stairway twists and turns. It is made of glass. Or it LOOKS like it's made of glass (it's probably plexiglass).
His eyes are a pale blue and they blaze at me with great intensity. "Hilda," he says, "I want you more than any woman I've ever known."
I throw my head back and laugh. "It's okay, Bart. You don't have to say silly things like that."
"But I mean it, I do!" He kissed my hand reverently.
I sigh. He's 29. How DO I get myself into these things?

He picks me up and carries me into the bedroom. Odd. Everything is frilly. The bed has a pastel blue canopy and there are matching curtains. Hmm.

"Is this your place?"
He blushes furiously. "It's my sister's."
"You sister's?"
"And her huband's."
"She has a husband that puts up with this?" I wave my hand around the room.
He grins. "He is a wee bit of a pussy."
"I'll never tell!" We giggle madly and he lowers me onto the bed.

"I like these," he says as he peels off my black stockings.
"Thank you," I say, cupping his balls through his trousers, "I like these!" Again, we giggle like mad as he strips down to zero. He holds his erection and asks, "What would you like to do with this?
"What wouldn't I want to do with that?" His cock is heavenly, perfectly large and thick with a beautiful foreskin that peels back beautifully in my mouth.
"Mmm, I like that."
"I thought you would. 69?"
"Oh, GOD, yes!" He spins me so that my little blonde vaggie is right close to his mouth. He begins to lick as I suck and suck. I twist my hand up and down his shaft as I lick back and forth on the tip, being sure to pull back the foreskin with each twist.
At the same time, he is kissing my thighs, opening my nether lips with his fingers and then licking my clit back and forth, as he licks his tongue gains speed until..until.. I am coming and he is coming.

He doesn't taste bad. And he assures me that I am delicious.

And then we fuck.

I am,

Hilda Stinson

Loyal Fans, I Salute You

I have written, before this, exactly 4 entries all year. ALL YEAR!!! Which is pathetic. Brimming over with pathos. It's because I work a 9 hour day PLUS. Not including the time it takes to get to work. Yes., my friends, I must bitch. And bitch hard.
Back in the bad old days of the Civil War, or more accurately, in a book (or miniseries, if we must go there-wait, yes, we must because the quote is from the series.) Okay, here it is: A Northerner and a Southern were having the following conversation,
"Well, I don't see how it's different from slavery, the pain of hunger in a man's belly compels him to work and if this is the only work he can get..."

Exactly.

Yesterday, a man who admired my ass told me that I could work at Hooters (yes, my darling fans, at the tender age of GASP! 45!) I could work at Hooters.

I wonder if I could REALLY get a job at Hooters. I mean really, could I? Would I want to? Hells yeah!

The truth is, I would rather have a real career. But not when I have to work 50 hour weeks. It's not like I'm making 100k plus. I mean, sure the money is pretty good, but really? I just can't fucking take it anymore. But I must. The pain in the belly is a very powerful compellant.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

The Wrath of Purvis

It was an extraordinarily long meeting of the book club and we were having a Mexican dinner when Purvis cornered me about what I wrote about him.

He was so pissed about what I wrote that I began to wonder what I had done that was so horrible.

When I arrived home, I re-read my earlier post. Nothing too bad. Simply that I was just not going to fuck him. Well, given how he is, no wonder he was insulted. And the big teeth and ultra blondness could hardly be insulting, given that most beauty contestants have those attributes, but again, it IS Purvis, who can be very sensitive, whether he likes it or not!

He had also hinted that what he read, "changed the way" he thought about me, the dig being that NOW he thought so much less of me, despise my literary prowess. Oh. Boo. And Hoo.

But onto the food.

I have recently gone vegan. Mostly. Yes, I have. Get out your whips if you must (and read Eat to Live if you must have an explanation).

The latest craze? Ezekiel flatbread (microwaved for 1 minute) slathered with eggplant hummus on one side and fake cream cheese (from Trader Joe's (TM)), fresh basil and sliced persian cucumber served with a side of baby carrots. YUM! I also have this with a cup of veggie broth. It's delicious.

Another favorite is salad greens with either black or white beans, topped with fig balsamic dressing and/or vegan ranch. Delicious.

Now I have to say, I miss cheese. Particularly the dill havarti that they sell at Trader Joe's(TM). I used to eat that with a combination of raw sunflower seeds mixed with salted pumpkin seeds. Now it's just the seeds.

I am hoping to find some good vegan cheeses out there and I know it's not easy, but I will prevail!

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Password Hell

My darling fans, I apologize for my long hiatus, but the computer I was using died and I have been unable to post until I got this new one!

My dad, ever the helpful one, heard my plight and immediately said he'd send me one. Wonders never do cease and for that I am profoundly grateful.

The other thing is that it had been SO long since I've been here, that I had forgotten my password, so I had to create a new one. "fuckyougoogle" was not considered a "safe" password, so I had to come up with something else. Well, I dithered about, lemme tell you, until I settled upon something that I do hope that I will remember the next time I have a hiatus.

At which point, I can imagine the collective groan of my fans. So, let me be clear, I will attempt to NOT have a hiatus any time soon. I hope that this will suffice for you.

So, without further ado, I will away onto my next post.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

MLK Comes Again!

Last year I wrote a post which ultimately lead to the failure of yours truly to be like MLK. I have decided that I can only be me-and that's it! You have got to love me for me, my darling fans. And speaking of fans: I have two new ones! This is so exciting! Thank you for joining us!

Yesterday I searched in vain for the new Whole Foods. It is on River, apparently, but I drove up and down it, looking. In utter disgust, I went home, and on the way realized that I was starving. I had to have a burger and fries, so I drove into the Dairy Queen (TM). There were a lot of pictures of hot dogs, which did not bode well for my craving.

"Do you have burgers?" I asked the teen behind the counter.

"No. We don't. Just what you see on the menu."

"Well, could you wrap up a Buster bar (TM)?"

"Sure."

So I took my Buster bar (TM) in its bag and put it in the trunk to go look for a burger.

The next fast food restaurant I saw was Wienerschnitzel (TM), a place I'd never eaten at before. I ordered a chili burger (with EVERYTHING), a small fry and a diet soda, pulled over into a spot and ate. The chili was a little salty and the burger a little dry (and it was VERY small!) but there were pickles in it and the fries were fresh and delicious. After I ate that I ate the Buster bar (TM). Now, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to finish it because the last time I had one, the man who sold it to me had warned me I probably wouldn't be able to finish it because they were "very filling". But I DID finish it and it was amazing. Creamy ice cream surrounded by crunchy peanuts and sweet chocolate (okay the chocolate could have been a better quality) and the sweet goo inside were magic to my mouth. Yum! The only thing was, I knew I would not need to eat again for the rest of the day. Whew! What a meal!

Happy MLK everybody!

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Happy New Year

to all of my loyal fans. Yes. All eleven of you.
Now before I tell about New Years's Eve, which was the BEST EVER! I must write about my latest obsession: double burgers from McDonalds (TM) followed by a bean burrito from Taco Bell (TM).
Yesterday I had such a craving, so I got the double burger and it was delicious; today, I got another one, sans cheese-and lemme tell you, the cheese disguises how bad the meat tastes. That's why they put cheese on all their burgers! So never again sans cheese. And, possibly never again. I may have had my fill of McDonalds (TM) for the rest of my life. As for the bean burrito, the one I had yesterday and the one I had today were both fine, but one must eat it carefully, lest the contents spill out onto you. So the technique is to bite and suck and bite and chew. Given it's shape, it's a little like cock sucking. Not all that much because you're CHEWING and all, but the little licks and sucks that must be administered are comparable.

New Year's: This time, I actually had a date in the mortal world. His name was Davis Black and he was the brother of Purvis Black. Purvis has been trying to get into my pants for the last eon. But I'm not interested. His teeth are far too big and he is too blonde and entirely too fond of having his cock sucked. Not that I'm against cock sucking, but this guy is just into THAT and that alone. He never fucks. Which is hilarious, actually. (He probably would have come immediately just watching me eat that burrito.)

I met his brother, Davis on Sat night and we played pool against Purvis, who beat us senseless. But we figured, it was just a game and who cares? Then we just talked. And THEN he asked me to go out with him for New Year's. I had been planning on spending it with Mal, but I figure, how often do I get a chance to be with a mortal? SO I decided to go. Mal wouldn't care anyway.

He picked me up in his Mercedes (TM), which was big and black and off we went!

At midnight, he kissed me for the first time in an Irish bar: "Your lips are so soft."

After the Irish bar, we went to this hot dog stand and got something called a Sonoran dog. It is a hot dog which has EVERYTHING on it, including a hot pepper (which we eschewed). The bun was soft and cradled itself lovingly around the dog, which had even mayonnaise! on it. Wrapped in bacon and drenched in chili, ketchup, and mustard (along with the aforementioned mayonnaise-the surprise ingredient) it was truly a masterpiece in my mouth.

After eating the dog, we went to a disco and this was when he told me I was "so cute".

Last, there was this kiss, this amazing kiss.

I don't even think I can describe it.

Holla, Davis Black.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson