Mal in the Morning

The Captain sat, curled up in the sill of the window, fully dressed in uniform gazing out upon the street.

I woke up, stuck my head up out of the covers, blonde hair askew and said, "You don't exactly fit up there."

He laughed and somersaulted back into bed with me.

"God Mal, do you ever take off your boots?"

"I take them off."

"But we're in BED, Mal."

"I know, I just thought I'd get a jump on the day, we're doing a job."

"Why were you curled up in the window?"

"Just wanted to get a Hilda's eye view," he patted my bottom.

"Well," I said, "if you want to see what I see, you have to lie flat on your stomach and prop yourself up, like so," I demonstrated, my body in a modified cobra. "And THEN you can stare out the window for hours."

He gazed deeply into my eyes and then pushed my nightgown over my head.

"Mal!"

"What?"

"This," he said, rubbing my my left nipple with his forefinger and then taking it into his mouth, "is delicious."

"I KNOW," I said, wiggling away from him and getting up to pee.

When I returned, he had taken off everything, including his boots.

"What, no boots?"

"Funny. My Hilda is shiny funny," he kissed my nose, and then my neck-and then pushed my nightgown up over my head. His land lay on my belly as he sucked and licked at my nipples. "So, sweet, so nice and pink!" He exclaimed as he continued to lick at me, I became impatient, and squirmed out of his grasp to remove the nightgown. "You are so naughty," he said, grabbing me and giving me a little spank. He lay me on my stomach and ran his hand down to my bottom. "I like this. I like this, a lot. In fact," he said, kissing it tenderly, "I love it," he parted my legs and began licking me from behind as he kept one hand on my bottom. "Turn over," he said, lightly slapping my ass.

I obeyed and lay under him, completely starkers, his mouth moving over my stomach and down to my mons. "You love this. You love this, Hilda," he said, opening my legs and pulling my little blonde pouf out of his way, licking right at the top curve of my vulva-and then he found my little clit and began licking and sucking at it. "Mmm," he said, turning himself upside down, and straddling my face, he inserted his cock into my mouth. I took it in hand and began moving my hand up and down as I sucked at the head, licking and sucking hard upon his frenulum, he continued to eat my pussy, he moans becoming louder and more insistent. "Oh Hilda," he said, quickly, pulling out of my mouth, he then placed himself on top of me and pushed his hot hard cock inside of me.

I gasped. It went in with difficulty and then, encouraged by my squirming underneath me, began to fuck in earnest. "You love me, you love me," he said, his cock pumping in and out of me as I moved with him, my hands upon his hips, feeling the hard banging motion and his weight on top of me. He put his mouth to my left nipple and licked and sucked furiously as he banged his big cock in and out of me.

Finally, he spent-and then, in a grand finale, he again, returned to licking my little blonde vaggie, his finger moving in and out of me as he licked me, back and forth until finally, I began to sing-and by this time, he was hard again, he pushed into me, my hot wet pussy contracting around his hard cock, he fucked me, hard and fast, as I strummed my clit furiously with my hands, hoping that we could again, achieve mutuality. I came, but he did not. "Oh Hilda, I can feel it," he said excitedly, continuing to fuck me, until again, he spent.

He lay on top of me, briefly, kissing me furiously, his tongue in my mouth and his fingers, stroking my ears. "Oh Hilda, that was good one!'

"Indeed. Indeed it was," I sighed happily.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson-Reynolds

Veganism Revisited-and Failed

Yesterday I felt good and very full after having a vegan lunch that was composed of a soy veggie patty, a potato patty and green beans. I felt very good. And had no idea of the disaster that awaited me that evening.

For dinner, the same, but with rice instead of potato. But then, I was hungry again. Tried again. Same dinner again. This one HAD to take. It did not.

By 9 Pm, I was starving. Ate an apple. Some Brazil nuts.

By 10, I had decided I couldn't do, I couldn't. Not during my time. I could not. What a foolish enterprise I had embarked upon, trying to do a cleanse during my time.

At 11, it was a double portion of whey protein. Brazil nuts.

I had to force myself to sleep.

In the morning, I had to go to Jack in the Box(TM) because it is the only place you can get a burger in the morning. Think about it: if you try that shit at McDonalds(TM), they humorlessly remind you that "it's breakfast." Yeah. Fuck you too, McDonalds(TM). I just went somewhere ELSE to get my early morning burger fix. How do you like that!?

All right. I am a bit belligerent. I am. It's true. I'm not putting up with any shit.

But the Captain, bless his heart, has been a peach. A true peach.

He said to me, last night, "Hilda. I just love you. I love you so much, I do, I really do." And he just held me for a bit.

"Mal?"

"Did you bring me any chocolate?"

He looked stunned. And then he laughed and presented me with an enormous box.

"Mal!"

"No thanks needed. I stole it from the Empress herself."

"When she wasn't looking?"

"Fat old cow."

"Oh Mal! She's very lonely."

He rolled his eyes and then pulled me close and kissed me, slowly and passionately. He then picked me up and tossed me over his shoulder.

"Where are we going?"

"To my bunk," he said.

We appeared inside his room. It was very small and everything smelled like him. I lay on the bed, sniffing the pillow. "Hmm. I LIKE it!" I said.

"Let me get you out of those things," he unbuttoned my blouse and removed it, placing it very neatly on the floor. "Now this," he took off my tank top, "and these," he unbuttoned my jeans and had me step out of them until I was just in my bra and panties. I wore a navy blue lace bra in which my bubble gum pink nipples peeked through. The panties matched and at the lacy part, you could see my little blonde pouf. "Shiny," he said as he licked my nipples through the lace.

"Mal," I moaned.

He continued to lick and suck at the nipples, his hand moving down my stomach and then to my mons, he rubbed lightly at the blue lace. And then he moved his head down and began licking at the lacy part. He finally pushed them aside and began licking my clit in earnest, as he pushed a finger into my little blonde vaggie. "Hilda, you taste so gorram good," he growled.

"Fuck me, baby, Fuck me."

"Come for me, I want you to come," he kept licking at me, his finger working in and out.

"Mal," I moaned and squirmed under his tongue.

"That's it, darlin' come on, let's do it," he unbuttoned his pants and took out his cock. "Take some of this," he pushed into me. "Oh yeah, oh yeah," he moved in and out of me. Then, pulling out, he returned to licking me, his finger again, back moving in and out. His tongue moving east to west, back and forth again and again.

"Oh Mal, Oh. OHHHHH," I screamed.

He immediately pushed his cock inside me and began to fuck furiously. "That's is, yes, yes," he held my hands above my head and kissed me, his tongue inside my mouth as he he fucked me.

"Oh Mal," I struggled under him.

"Still," he commanded, "still," he fucked some more as I obeyed. Then he turned me over and smacked me gently on the ass, "My Hilda is a very very bad girl, very bad," he brought his tongue up to the tip of my ass crack and he fondled my bottom, "this, is very very nice, so hard, so tight," he raised my hips up until I was on all fours and then placed his cock inside me again as he fondled my breasts, wetting his fingers, he pinched at my nipples as he fucked me-and then he ran his hand down to my clit and began rubbing it as he fucked me again and again.

Exhausted he fell to the side so that we were lying on our sides, he continued to fuck me, his hand continuing to rub my clit, until I began to come.

And then: he did too.

It was amazing.

I love him.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson-Reynolds

Billy Ray's Generosity

"Sugar," the voice at the end of the phone drawled lazily.

"Hello, Billy Ray," I said.

"How you doin', my baby doll?"

"Well, to be completely honest, I've had a bit of a breakdown."

"My sweet darlin', what happened?"

"I had a job interview and they never called!" I broke into tears.

"Aw shucks, baby, that don't matter, no how. You were too good for them anyway."

"I guess," I said, somewhat mollified.

"I have a surprise for you!"

"You do?"

"I do. Open your door."

I went to the door and opened it. Billy Ray stood in front of me with a huge bouquet of white roses. He put his phone away and held out the flowers.

"Oh, Billy Ray, they're beautiful."

"Just like you. Now, come on, let's go."

"Let me pack a bag."

"No need, just grab your purse."

We went down to the car.

Billy Ray opened the door and I got in, my arms full of roses. And purse.

We drove for a few blocks, turned and then went anther few blocks and then parked in front of a little house.

"Are we visiting someone?"

"Darlin', just get out of the car." He helped me and the roses out of the car and then we went up to the front door. He got out a key and opened it. Then he picked me up and carried me inside.

"Billy Ray, what is going on?"

"Well, you know I got all this money, so I reckoned I'd do the right thing and get you a house, my darlin'. So I have a place to stay when I come to San Diego. Deed is in your name. So if you want me to go to a hotel that's also fine."

"Oh you silly boy!" I kissed him square on the mouth. "A hotel! Well, maybe, but as long as I'm with you."

"I like the way you think," he said.

The place was unfurnished, except for the bedroom which had a big round bed. It was made up with a pastel blue bedspread and had a red rose right in the middle.

"This is lovely," I said, smelling the rose.

"Not half as lovely, as you, my lovely," he said, kissing me gently. "Oh. And look under the pillows!"

I did. Adidas socks. Piles and piles of them. I nearly fainted with joy. "Oh Billy Ray!"

"Do I or do I not know what my Hilda likes?!"

"Indeed you do."

He then proceeded to unbutton my sweater, remove my tank top and my little mini skirt. He then sat back a bit and admired my undies. I was wearing a white bra with pink polka dots. The matching panty had a bow on the front and a completely sheer back. He traced the line of my bottom with his finger and then squeezed me. "You are a vision." He then kissed the top of my breasts and then reached around and removed the bra. "Lovely," he said, kissing and licking at each nipple. He then proceeded to lick and suck at my stomach, and then his mouth was on my panties. "Turn over."

I did.

He ran his tongue over the sheer back of the panties-and finally when he could stand it no more, he removed them. He then, opened my legs and continued to lick at me from behind. Finally, he turned me over and ran his tongue up and down and his lips sucked at my labia majora and then, he flicked his tongue over the minora and up to my clit. At which point, he began licking back and forth slowly, flicking his tongue around and around and back and forth, picking up speed and pressure until finally, I began to sing.

"Fuck me, Billy Ray," I begged.

He took out his cock and stroked it a bit, brought it to my mouth and said: "Suck it."

I did. Placing my hands on his shaft, I worked them up and down as I sucked and licked at his frenulum and then working the foreskin back with my mouth and up and down.

"That's good, that's enough," he bent down a bit to lick at me, to be sure I was ready and then he thrust his big cock inside of me. "How does that feel, sugar?"

"Good, it's good," I said.

"I'm going to fuck you good, baby doll," he said, his penis thrusting in and out of me.

I reached down to stroke his balls gently as he fucked me and put my hand around the base and worked it around and around as he fucked.

"That feels, so fucking good, sugar, oh yeah, yeah, yeah," he said, as I began to squeeze him tightly with each thrust.

"Fuck me, Billy Ray, fuck me," I cried.

And then he stopped, pulled out, and began licking at my clit again, "I want you to come for me, Hilda, come again." He kept licking and sucking, back and forth and back and forth.

"Fuck me, Billy Ray."

"Not until you come, sugar, I want to feel you come around my big cock," he kept licking my clit and then finger fucking me at the same time. "Come baby, come on now. I know you can do it."

I began to sing.

"That's it, sugar," he thrust back into me, fucking me furiously. "I can feel you coming baby, it feels so good," he kept fucking, holding my arms above my head, wrists pinned. "That's it, yes, yes, yes, OHHHHHH," he came hard, his semen spurting into me like fire. "Very good, Hilda. Very good," he said.

He pulled out, picked me up and took me to the bathroom.

A bubble bath was waiting. Complete with rose petals floating around in the tub.

"Oh, Billy Ray, you think of everything."

"Don't I now?" He grinned and gently put me in the tub.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Handling Pan Handlers (WITHOUT touching them! EW!)

One of the more annoying aspects of living in San Diego is the fact that because it is warm nearly year round, we have a huge amount of homeless. To continue with my "modest proposal" would certainly incense people, so we'll skip that for the moment and talk about what we know, and what has happened.

A friend who once took me to a Padres game told me about a friend who had "gone homeless"-and the verdict? It was to not have to pay rent. And so, the friend found that good portion of them are indeed willfully homeless. Some men do it so that they won't have to work and pay child support.

But of course, pan handlers may or may not be homeless. They camp out at highway exits with their cardboard signs and accost you on the street, "Hey, can you help me get something to eat?" I was asked one day, on the way to a date.

I turned, and looked at the man. He didn't look like he'd EVER missed a meal. I simply said, "Of course. There's a dumpster out behind the Jack in the Box (TM) -or, here's an idea, why don't you go to a sit down restaurant and order food, not pay for it, get arrested-and then you'll get all the free meals you want."

He stomped off in a huff.

Well. I never, indeed! Lol. The homeless, ladies and gentlemen, the homeless.

Of course, I am heartless and cruel.

But, I think that's part of my charm.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Swimming in Wine

I had the pleasure of dining, or rather, drinking and having appetizers at The Tractor Room. For those of you who don't know, they have a huge variety of specialty drinks that are, for all intents and purposes, original AND yummy.

I had a watermelon beverage flavored with mint. It was cool and refreshing and quite intoxicating. In fact, I managed to become quite tipsy from just ONE.

My companion had ordered a rather dry red wine, of which I am ashamed to say, I can't remember the name of. That's right, my darling fans, I am teetering on the edge of menopause and great blanks fill my mind, the way buffalo used to fill the Great Plains.

And speaking of buffalo, and other exotic edibles, I ate wild boar AND elk. The boar was in an eggroll filled with meat and potatoes, served on a salad with a vinegar based dressing (not sure what it was, not exactly balsamic, something else, but it was very tangy). The elk in a ravioli that was rather crisp on the outside, was it supposed to be crisp?

But the fantasy was this: when I sipped my companion's wine, I felt the urge to miniaturize myself, and dive down into the glass, completely starkers.

As we left, there were little samples outside, boar and polenta. The polenta was perfectly fried and smelled heavenly.

"I like how you smelled it first," the young man in charge of the samples said.

Of course, I could not resist the urge to bring another fan into the fold and told him to Google me. I am after all, very Googleable.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

A Modest Proposal Revisited

Jonathan Swift, much like Thomas Malthus, had a point. And that is: we are drowning in people. What with all this unemployment and the poverty and the disease. This is no way to live. What with our economy in the toilet and the Republicans driving our country into an even deeper ditch! The motive to make OBAMA LOOK BAD! Okay, I said it. Can we deal with it, can we reason against the Republican mendacity? Can we? Can we fuck them up? Let's do that. I have a modest proposal to get the economy "back on track".

Jonathan Swift wrote about the Irish, who, like today's Mexicans, are breeding like, well, rabbits, can I say that? (Of course I can! This is satire, you idiots! So NO HATE MAIL!) And it's not just Mexicans that are breeding. All SORTS of people are having children. And for what? To fill our useless schools? To create employment for obstetricians? I'm not sure why. But the supermarkets are filled with people. The lines, my dear reader! The lines! They are keeping me from my little chocolate cupcakes with HUGE mint heads!

At times, I feel as if I should just open up a vein in a hot bath (this is called a Roman bath, for those of you who don't know)-and be done with it all.

What is it all for anyway?

But onto the proposal. I am, after all, a devotee to all things delicious. And I can imagine how much our right to lifers will enjoy the meals I devise for them, as well as all the oil company executives, and, well, Republicans in general. Because they are all evil. Let's make no mistake about THAT.

It was revealed to me at one point in time, that the reason that Jews and Muslims do not eat pork is NOT because of parasites. No. It is because some cultures refer to humans as "long pig"-go ahead, look it up, I dare you-and it is the same reason firemen will not eat pork. They are all familiar with the smell, dare I say it? Humans are a form of pork. We are pork, I tell you, pork!

And, let me remind you, before you accuse me of hellish insanity, that was are still having some satire going on. So fear not, my little chickens. I mean piggies.

Here is my proposal: For all of the unemployed poor people who can't get work, they can turn all of their excess babies into a butchery, for lots and lots of money. The Republicans can finally get something to eat that they've always wanted-and the economy is saved.

I'm sorry. I'm not going to be like Mr. Swift and give all the details of how great it will be. Well, all right. Some: think of all the abortions that won't happen! That's right, instead of aborting your child, you can sell it and it can be eaten! The right to lifers will LOVE it! No more abortion!

Hmm. What else? Well, there might be some unemployment at the diaper factories. That would be bad, so maybe. Oh shit. What will we do with all the unemployed diaper workers? And the retail baby store workers?

Wait. Hmm. Well, at least there will be fewer poor people. Oh. But the schools. Shit. We have to fill the schools or there will be unemployed teachers! And principals! (Well, it 'ent like they do any real work no how anyway!) But they won't have their huge salaries! The economy will collapse! (Oh. Wait. Hasn't it?)

I don't know.

But at least the Republicans will get a good meal.

And, after all, isn't that the point?

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

That's Where the Bad Bees Go

is a line from a song. And I couldn't remember the song. It was from camp. And now I remember "way down upon the Swanee River, that's where the bad bees go".

This line popped into my head as I was cruising Ralph's looking for those elusive tiny chocolate cupcakes with HUGE mint heads. There weren't any. Sad.

There was a slice of deep chocolate cake from the Cheesecake Factory, it had a dollop of whipped cream beside it. It looked like it would put a person in a diabetic coma-and the PRICE of it! It was practically four dollars for a SLICE. Yeah.

Going around the bakery, there was the same old stuff: tons of red velvet cupcakes, cakes, beribboned pink things, chocolate things, same old stuff. WHERE were my cupcakes?!

One thing that looked especially good was the chocolate rugulach. I used to make rugulach with homemade cream cheese (you use raw milk that's sat around a bit and strain it through cheese cloth to make cream cheese. It make superlative rugulach-and it's GOOD for you). Anyway, of course I didn't buy it.

I also gave a longing look to the gummy bears. R and I are having a tryst this Friday and I thought about placing gummies all over his hairy chest and vacuuming them off with my mouth. I am supposed to bring strawberries. Well, I might bring both. Or nothing. It depends on how I am running. As in: I have an audition tomorrow. I'm sure it won't take very long. I'm hoping to be out of there in time to go home and have a wee bit of a nap, but of course, I'll be too excited to nap. I do hope I will have time to stop by the grocery. If not, he will have to forgive me-as I am most anxious to see him.

What I actually did after cruising Ralph's was pop into Trader Joe's and get a Caesar salad, organic carrots, almond milk and yoghurt dip. Then back to Ralph's for Annie Chun's Wasabi Seaweed Snacks(TM), a cucumber and half a pound of ground sirloin-which I overcooked:(

I like it practically raw of course. I ate it over the Caesar salad along with cucumber slices, carrots and the crouton, all dipped in the yoghurt dip. Delish!

Of course, you want to hear about the three squares of chocolate and brazil nuts I ate, complete with a shot glass of wine (which I shouldn't be drinking but I WANTED it-and the chocolate SO badly that I just had to have them.)

Last? A glass of almond milk with stevia.

I'm ready for my coma, Mr. DeMille.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Where Cap and I ..

get married.

Yes. Married.

You knew it was coming, so here it is.

Tom and Agnes, being very good sports agreed to come to Vegas with us to be our witnesses. We didn't want or need more than two because OUR wedding was to be so private that all would be blindfolded, save, the bride and groom.

Of course, we had to have an Elvis impersonator. The one we chose was young and stocky with real sideburns. I made him promise not to peek.

Tom and Agnes, of course, being good sports agreed to wear the eye shades because of what I would be wearing: for Mal's eyes only!

To describe for you: the room was the bridal suite with a big round bed. The coverlet was white satin and I thanked god that it wasn't my time.

The kitchen was luxurious and there was a large sunken in hot tub in the bathroom, truly any and everything we could ever need or want was in that suite.

When we arrived, Mal and I both unpacked and changed into our wedding gear.

He wore blue pencil stripe Brooks Brothers (TM) boxers and looked sublime. Of course, he went out into the living room portion of the room to get ready (as in, strip down)-and I got ready in the bedroom part.

I wore a white satin bra with lace at the top of the cups and a matching satin panty that had a see thru panel at the crotch. On my head, I wore a long white veil that covered me from my face down to my knees. The effect? You could see through the veil, but just barely. My blonde hair was in silky corkscrew curls and I wore a dark red lipstick. I looked nothing short of ravishing.

When I was ready, I texted our witnesses and the Elvis impersonator. They came in and Mal gave them their blind folds.

Mal pressed a button on the Ipod and the Canon in D began to play and I solemnly marched out of the bedroom up to my lover. He looked so happy and delighted that I tingled inside. He took my hand and we began.

"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today, to unite this man (he couldn't see, but he nodded, as if he could toward Mal) and this woman in holy matrimony. If anyone can see any reason why they should not be joined, let him speak now or forever hold his peace. Do you Hilda, take Mal to be your lawful wedded husband, to love, honor and cherish him for as long as you both shall live?"

"I do."

"And do you Mal, take Hilda to be your lawful wedded wife, to love honor and cherish for as long as you both shall live?"

"I surely do," Mal gazed into my eyes, and I nearly began to cry.

"By the power vested in me by the State of Nevada, I hear by pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride," he finished.

Mal reached down and pulled back the veil, took me in his arms and gave me a long kiss.

There was a silence. And then applause from Tom and Agnes.

"Thank you kindly for coming," Mal said. "Now get out."

Everyone laughed and he pointed everyone toward the door.

When it closed, he said, "Alone at last." And then, "I love this," he said indicating my outfit.

"I kind of thought you would."

He picked me up and carried me to the bed. "Champagne?" he opened a bottle and poured me a glass.

"Mmm. I like it!"

"Cake?" he went out to the kitchen and returned with two pieces of cake.

"Oh, Mal. I love you so much."

"I know." He took the cake in his hand and fed it to me. It was a chocolate cake with white icing covered with coconut. Then he brought the glass up to my lips to drink more champagne. When he set the glass down, I fed him his piece.

"Sweetie?"

"Yes?"

"I want more cake!"

So he went to the kitchen and brought back more cake. "You can have this. But after I've had some Hilda," he said, kissing my stomach as he pinned me to the bed. He brought his mouth down to my thighs and licked at them expertly-and then he brought his mouth to the see through crotch of the panties and began to lick. "Mmm, this is very very nice." He drank some champagne and spilled some more on my stomach and licked it off. "Oh, me oh my! I seem to have gotten some on your panties. I must remove them." He did. And then he said, "You know, I think this needs to come off too." He went up to my bra, kissed the top of my breasts and removed my bra. "And of course, these need some champagne," he poured a bit on my nipples an licked it off, alternating between right and left, his tongue going a mile a minute, as his hands ran up and down my inner thighs.

"Oh Mal," I said.

"Hilda." He made his way down my stomach to my pudenda, which he sucked at briefly before licking my pussy from bottom to top-and then he started in on my clit, which he licked at back and forth, east to west and he pumped a finger inside me. "Oh, sweetheart, you're so wet, so ready," he said, taking out his cock. He ran bounced it on my pudenda and then brought it down from my clit to my slit and then he pushed it in. "Oh, my," he said. "So hot, so wet, so tight," he began to thrust in and out of me as he held my wrists down. "Oh, I'm close, so close," he said, pulling out and getting on his knees, he began to lick at my clit again, back and forth until finally I came and he put his cock back in as I was climaxing-pumping in and out until finally he spent, his hot cum spurting inside me. "Hilda." He kissed me again and again. "I surely do love you," he held me.

"And I you," I said. And then I said, "Cake?"

"You're insatiable. Incorrigible."

"Feed me, baby, feed me."

He did.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson-Reynolds

Waffletopia at Florence and Lawrence's

Florence and Lawrence have been married for over 25 years. They have a house in El Cajon complete with a pool. We voted to have our annual pool party at Florence's house because oddly, she is the only member WITH a pool.

Florence has been a member of my book club, long before even I belonged. Yesterday was a grand barbecue, complete with grilled chicken, hamburgers, potato salad and deep fried waffles, courtesy of yours truly. That's right, my darling fans, these waffles were deep fried and served with a choice of honey liquor OR real maple syrup.

Allow me to explain how these are made. A milk and egg wash is made with a little bit of vanilla, in which Eggo(TM) waffles are dipped-and then dredged in flour. The waffle is then placed in a sizzling pan full of oil and fried until golden brown. They were legend (wait for it!) dary! Everyone loved them.

The Captain came with me, of course, wearing an Adidas(TM) golf shirt and the most adorable Adidas(TM) shorts. He has become, like me, a veritable Adidas(TM) freak. I wore my skirted bikini bottoms from Gap(TM) and a pink Panache(TM) bikini top which I had purchased on clearance at Breakout Bras. I got flour all over the bikini top and flour all over my stomach-and there was a bit on my face.

"Hilda," Mal approached, his plate full of waffles and syrup, "these are the shiniest things I've ever eaten."

"Thanks, Babylove," I hugged and kissed him.

"You are covered!"He indicated the flour on me.

"Si. Covered. Perhaps you have a remedy?"

"Let me finish these," he crunched into a waffle and then fed me a piece.

"Wow, these ARE good," I said.

"Shiny," he agreed.

When we had finished eating, Mal took me by the hand and led me to the pool house.

"Are we supposed to be in here?" I asked nervously.

He kissed my lips, "I got the key from Lawrence," he said, holding it up and then putting it back in his pocket.

"Oh, Mal. You're making friends. I'm so proud of you."

"Yeah, yeah," he licked my neck, "ugh," he shuddered.

"Sunscreen," I explained.

"Right. Well," he led me over to a chaise and sat me down, "there are some spots where you didn't spray, right?"

"Uh, yeah, I think so," I slid off my sandals and lay back on the chaise.

"Like under here?" he took off my bikini bottom and ran his hand over my pudenda and down to where I was getting very very wet. He licked his fingers, "Shiny, now lie back-and keep those legs open," he began licking at me, as he pushed a finger inside me, in and out as he licked at my little clit, back and forth until I came. "Mmm, I can feel that," he said, withdrawing his finger, and licking it. "You're so sweet and tight," he said. "Now I want you to have some of this," he took out his cock. "Aw hell," he took off all his clothes, removed my bikini top and placed his cock between my breasts. He moved his cock up and down as I squeezed my breasts together. "Have some," he said as he brought his cock to my mouth.

"Mmm," I took his cock by the hand and sucked on the head, licking at his frenulum, peeling back his foreskin with my lips and moving my mouth all the way down to the base and then up to the head again. I concentrated on the head as I ran my hand up and down the shaft.

"Oh, Hilda, Hilda, baby, mmm. I just want to be inside you," abruptly, he pulled out of my mouth and brought his cock down to my little blonde vaggie. He tapped it against my pudenda and over my clit and then he pushed it in.

"Malcolm, Malcolm, fuck me, fuck me," I murmured.

He obliged, taking my right breast and suckling at it as he fucked me, and then moving to the left, his tongue moving rapidly over the nipple as I felt his cock going in and out of me. Then he put his mouth on mine, his tongue in my mouth, he continue to fuck, his mouth going over to my ear, then my neck-and then he pulled out and moved down so he could lick at my clit for a bit, and then he pushed back into me and kept fucking me. "I'm going to come," he said, "Oh, oh, oooh!" he came, his hot wet semen spurting into me.

He held me close.

We emerged from the pool house to applause.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

R has another marvelous return

The 5 Freeway can be a bitch. Meaning: do I really have to say? Lawd in heaven. Dreadful. Particularly on a Friday night.

R had flown into Carlsbad on a Thursday and I was to meet him at a remarkably unposh, but clean motel right off the 5, lest I get lost. There is nothing worse than getting lost.

He told me he was in room 216, so I parked my car, and went over to the room. I knocked. He answered-and a joyous reunion ensued.

I had brought strawberries. Yes. Strawberries. As of late, our California Strawberries have been nothing short of superb. And I am not talking about the ultra expensive organics or "sweets"-I mean the really ordinary strawberry has become a veritable heaven of sweet acidity in my mouth.

He had, in lieu of Adidas socks, strewn white rose petals all over the bed, which I thought was very romantic.

"Hi," I went up to him, stood on tiptoes and kissed him.

He responded by picking me up and gently laying me on the bed. "Are these washed?"

"No," I looked at the ceiling.

"Never mind, I'll wash them." He took the berries over to the sink and washed them, laying them out on one of the white towels.

"You gon' be paying for that," I said.

He shrugged. "It should come out. It's only a towel." He picked up the towel, full of strawberries and brought it over to the bed. He caressed my cheek, held my face in both hands, kissed me and then brought a strawberry to my mouth. I ate it, the fruit was firm against my lips. I bit, chewed, swallowed and then finished the strawberry as he held it by its green stem. And then I fed him one. "That's enough strawberry, I want some Hilda, he said, pulling my dress off. "Pretty," he admired the pink and black bra and panty set, "This can stay on," he said indicating the bra, "because we're going out to dinner soon, but these," he pulled off my lacy boy shorts, must come off. Lie still."

I did as he licked and kissed at my thighs, his tongue finally reaching my clit, he began to lick at me rapidly. I moaned with pleasure.

"Come, Hilda, I want you to come," he said between licks. "Aw hell, this has got to come off, I have got to see those pretty tits," he said after a bit as he removed my bra and licked at my bubble gum pink nipples. "Damn." He tore off his clothes, and turned me upside down and presented me with his big hard cock to suck on. "Take it, take all of it," he said.

I sucked on the head a bit and then took all of it in, down to the base.

"That's it baby, suck it, suck it, damn, fuck, shit, I'm going to come," he said.

And he did, his cum spurted deep inside my throat and I swallowed it and then ate a strawberry. Then I kissed him. "Shit. That was too quick," he said.

"No, I liked it. It was good."

"It was good. Now turn over."

I turned on my stomach and he rubbed my back and then my ass. He parted my ass cheeks and started to lick the top part of my crack, running his hand over my parted ass, and then down to my hot wet vaggie, he lifted my bottom up and started licked me from behind. "Dammit," he swore and turned me over where he could get at my clit with greater ease, he was licking it back and forth, a finger inside me, pumping me as he licked.

I moaned with pleasure, saying his name over and over again, "Lick me, lick me," I said, "oh fuck me, fuck me," I begged.

"Not yet," he said, "you have to come first, come for me, Hilda, come, I want to feel you come." He continued to lick me and fuck me with his finger.

"Oh, fuck, fuck," I began to move under his tongue and hand until finally, I came-and loudly.

"Hilda," he said, kissing me. He picked me up and carried me to the shower where he bathed me, toweled me dry and then he dressed me. "Are we ready for dinner now?" he asked.

"All right," I said.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Billy Ray's Itenerancy

And it so happened to pass that Billy Ray's lair lay far away in a land named Rancho Santa Margarita. It was enough to make one want to drink an entire BOTTLE of Patron.

He came down on a Saturday, not wanting to be intrusive or see the disaster of my closet, he had booked a room at the Double Tree in Hazard center.

"We can go in at 1," he said.

"Right after lunch!" I exclaimed.

"No," he said flatly, "it will BE lunch, or to be more precise, darlin' you will be my lunch."

He collected me in his eco mobile. Poor dear, he feels so guilty about his oil tycoonery.

The inside of the hotel is set up so that you have to descend a long stair case to get to the front desk.

The desk clerk gave him the key card and off we went to the room.

He opened the door and we went in. Two beds.

"One for now-and one for later," he said simply. Then: "Strip."

I obeyed. Quickly I took off everything, folded it neatly and then pulled back the coverlet of the bed and sat.

"Now Hilda, darlin'. I just want you to lie back," I obeyed putting my head on the pillow. "that's right, get comfortable," he took the pillow from the other side of the bed and placed it under my hips. "Nice, very nice," he kicked off his shoes and sat beside me. "I just want to look at you," he traced the contours of my face-and then kissed me, putting his top lip between mine for me to suck and then, he flicked his tongue inside my mouth a bit. Then he ran his mouth down to my neck while he caressed my breasts, "beautiful," he picked up the left one and placed the nipple in his mouth, he sucked gently and then moved to the right one. Last he pushed them together and licked both nipples at once. He put his hand between my legs, "Oh, yeah, you're getting wet, baby doll." He took out his cock and brought it to my mouth, "Suck it."

I did. My hands moving up and down his shaft as I sucked and licked at the head.

"That's enough," he said, taking my hands and pinning my wrists down, he turned my body so that my ass was right on the edge of the bed, my legs open and waiting, he pushed his hard thick cock into me, making me cry out. "Hilda, oh Hilda, I'm going to fuck you."

"Yes, yes, fuck me," I murmured, struggling to get my hands free as he continued to hold my wrists.

"You will not move," he commanded, fucking me harder and harder.

I remained still, yet still contracting around him.

"I said, still," he broke out of me, turned me over and spanked me lightly, his cock shiny with my juices. "Now suck," he commanded. "Good, good, my filthy little one, suck it good," he said, his hands on my hair. I put my hands on his cock to help, as it was too big to suck all the way down, my tongue licking at his frenulum and I went up and down his shaft, my hand pulling back his foreskin to cover his cock-and then pulling it down and off the head with my mouth, working my hand in a circle up and down his cock. "Hilda," he moaned and I felt him grow even harder.

At this point, his suit had become quite the impediment, so he took off his shirt, his pants and his boxers, leaving his tie on, that he slung back over his shoulder.

He then pressed my shoulders back into the pillow, then I felt his tongue on my pussy, licking and sucking, he moved east to west, "are you almost there, darlin', are you close?"

"Yes, yes,"

He stopped and the thrust his cock inside me. "This time, I want you to squeeze it, each time I pull it in and then as I pull it out."

He pushed into me slowly. I squeezed around his cock-and then he pulled out, ever so slowly with my next breath and I squeezed again. "That's it, darlin', I want to feel your hot wet pussy squeezing around my cock, keep it up, oh yeah. That's good, good, but now, darlin' I want to feel you come around my cock." He flipped me over and entered me from behind slowly and carefully. He put his fingers in my mouth and then he began playing with my clit, back and forth, slow and light, as he thrust his cock inside me, but picking up speed and pressure until finally, I began to sing-and he was still. "That's it, darlin', I can feel it, you feel so good, so tight." And when I stopped pulsing he picked up speed, his cock going in and out of me, his hand again, rubbing at my clit. He brought his cock in and out of me, faster and faster, until he spent. I was still. And then, I contracted around his cock as his vibrations began to fade. And I came again, as his hand didn't stop until he heard me sing.

"Billy Ray."

"Hilda."

"I think I love you."

"Right back atcha."

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Where Cap and I Make Up

"Hilda?" he came in through the wall, soaking wet, wearing a Pea coat and long wool trousers.

"Mal! Let me get you out of those things," I said.

I removed the coat and hung it up. Next I unbuckled his trousers and took off the rugby shirt he was wearing.

"Where have you been?"

"To London."

"To see The Queen, no doubt."

He grinned. "I'm sorry. I just, gorramit, Hildy, I've been thinking about you, night and day and what we have is just-"

"I know," I said.

He picked me up and I put my legs around him and he solemnly carried me to the bed, wearing only his boxer shorts. They were blue and dry. The wool trousers had kept the rain out.

"I brought you something," he reached into the wall and pulled out a pink box.

"Oh! What is it?"

"It's something I'd kind of like to see you wear. If you've a mind to, that is," he blushed a little bit.

I opened the box and inside was a sheer light pink nightgown with lace inlets.

"To match your nipples," he said.

"I LIKE it!" I stripped down and immediately put it on.

"Oh Hilda," he said, his hands cupping my breasts, he put his mouth to my nipple and licked and sucked. "Oh, and there's something else in the box."

"There is?"

"Uh huh."

Truly, there was! It was a tiny box with two chocolates in it.

"One for me and one for you," he said.

"Malcolm!"

"I know. Am I great or what?"

I laughed and pulled out a chocolate, bit into it-carmel oozed out and I licked it off my fingers. I fed him the second bite. Then I bit into the second. Coconut. Dark chocolate and rich creamy coconut. I did not share. "Captain, you are!"

He threw me down on the bed and returned attending to my nipples, which strategically poked out of the nightgown he has procured for me. And of course, there were matching crotchless panties!

He made his way down my body, licking and sucking, his fingers moving in and out of me as he licked at my little clit. When I climaxed, I sang, per usual. And then he took out his cock. Which I sucked upon until he could no longer stand it and he had to fuck me.

He was on top, moving in and out of me, his hard cock getting harder and harder until he had to pause. I gave him a squeeze, "Thinking about baseball?"

"What?"

"Oh right. Um. Shall I turn over?"

"Yes."

He helped turn me over and entered me from behind, his hands stroking my nipples and then, as he fucked, he moved his fingers lightly and quickly over my clit, wetting them with his mouth he kept fucking and rubbing until he put his mouth upon mine, and thrusting his tongue in me, we both came together.

It was perfect.

I remain, sated, but not for long,

Hilda Stinson

Haunted

I got a letter today from R.

Contained in the letter was a photo. He was wearing a towel.

Which I liked. I wrote him back, "tasteful." Because it was.

I mean, it beats the pants off a cock shot. Ever get a cock shot? It's just kind of-well, ruins everything. This was perfect sexing. All I could think about for the rest of the day was him. In a towel.

I saw him sitting on the desk across from me, gazing intently at me.

And he came over, pulled me out of the chair and undressed me. Draping me over the desk, he started going down on me. And then, he was fucking me. And then I was sucking him. And then I was on top of him, grinding VAR VAR slooooowly. Talk about distracting!

All in my mind, of course.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson