At the Mall!

My interviewer kept me waiting. Much like the last one. Perhaps she thought it made her "cool". I dunno.

When she appeared, I stood up and followed her back to her office.

"Everything is in the back," she said cheerily. "Here, you can sit here," she positioned a chair diagonally across from her. "Do you mind closing the door," she smiled, "so we won't be disturbed?" 

I got up and closed the door.

Across from me sat a petite woman, fifty-ish with a fluff of hair that was unnaturally red. Her face was obfuscated by layers of makeup. She had truly caked it on, with a trowel, no doubt.

The interview consisted of her droning on and on. It was clear that she liked the sound of her own voice. When her phone rang she said, "I have to take this."-What was this? Was she so on the pull that she couldn't NOT take a fucking phone call? "I'm in the middle of an interview, I'll call you back. " Hmm. That couldn't have gone to voice mail? Seriously?!

At the end, I foolishly went back to an item she had asked and clumsily tried to finish answering the question. Dumb. Dumb. Dumb. But you know what? What would it be like to WORK for this person? So maybe not so dumb.

As she was walking me out, she admired my skirt and I in turn admired her dress. Whew. It was over. Fuckin' A!

Off to the mall! It was on the way home.

The Tucson Mall is located right off of Oracle (one of the main streets here) and is a huge behemoth for which all patrons should be provided with little vehicles to get around in. Because I walked that mall. I walked the fuck out of that mall looking for The Limited. When I finally found it (four hours later) I was greeted by my favorite salesperson, Isabelle.

"Hilda!"

"Izzy!"

We hugged.

And she helped me find some adorable sleeveless blouses  (which are, in June, in Tucson, di riguer! It is fucking motherfucking hot and Idon'tknowifI willmakeitthoughthe summer!!!!)

On my way out, through Macy's the Captain caught up with me. He was wearing a navy  Izod (TM) shirt and khaki shorts.

"Hilda."

"Mal. Love the Izod (TM)"

"What this ol' thing?" He grinned and then took me in his arms in a dip. Then he kissed me.

I pounded on his arm, "Let me up, I can't breathe." The blood was rushing to my head and my nose was starting to fill.

"Gorram it, I forgot."

"It's so hot," I said. "So, so, so, HOT!"

"I have something for you," he took my hand and led me out to the parking garage.

Sure enough, disguised as a regular ol' hybrid Honda was a shuttle. "Mal, where are we going?"

"You'll see."

The interior of the shuttle was deliciously cool and in the cup holders Mal had placed giant glasses of sweet mint tea, complete with straws. I sipped to taste and then just sucked it down.

"This is delicious! Did you make this?"

He nodded modestly. "Shoot, weren't no never mind. I thought you'd like it."

"Oh I do, I do." 

"Now, off we go." He pressed a button and in a trice we were in a field of tall grass. Night had fallen and the stars were out full force.

"Pretty," I said, as I stepped out of the shuttle.

"Yah," he pulled me up to him for a deep and sensual kiss. "I've missed you, HIldy," his voice nearly broke.

"I've missed you too," I ran my hands over his body briefly.

"I've got something for you. Come," he grabbed my hand and let me a few feet away from the car.

It was a clear structure. Mal leaned down and pressed against the structure. A doorway appeared and we walked inside. 

Inside the building was exactly the same as outside, except that there was a rather large bed with metal rails. Very old fashioned looking, it was.

Mal brought me over to the bed and said, "All of it, off. Now."

I shucked my clothes and lay on the bed provacatively. He remained clothed, kissed me deeply and pulled me to the edge of the bed, opened my legs and kneeled down in front of me, his mouth all over my inner thighs, his hands on my hips. He moved closer and closer to my little blonde vaggie, until his tongue was on me, moving back and forth over my clit, his finger inside of me, fucking me, over and over again until I began to sing my usual song, along with the urgent request that he fuck me. 

"Fuck me now,"I begged.

He tore open his shorts and brought out his erection, stroking it he brought it closer and closer, until he had inserted it and was pumping into me. In. Out. Over and over until I heard him cry, "Hilda! Hilda! Oh!" 

Spent, he pulled me up to his shoulder. I was to sleep on his magnificent chest, his arms around me.

The next morning, we woke at dawn (it was a glass house!) and Mal brought me back to Tucson for breakfast

We ended up eating at Denny's because they have the very best decaf in the world. Really. Try it. Truly.

Okay. It's because they were the only place OPEN so early. You try finding a restaurant at dawn! 

I ordered french toast with strawberries and whipped cream.

Cap had steak and eggs (over easy-yuck!) with a side of bacon.

Between bites of the luscious french toast, which I had dipped in syrup, I kissed Mal (we were sitting next to each other).

"Mmm. Syrup!" He exclaimed as he put down his fork and turned his entire attention to kissing me. "Hilda, darlin' you are more delicious than the food."

I kissed back, also ignoring my food for the moment so that I could stroke Cap through his shorts. He was become-nay WAS hard. He was getting harder and harder.

"My poor darling," I rubbed vigorously.

He moaned.

"More coffee?" The waitress, young and stupid, had just arrived with the pot.

"Oh, it's decaf," I said, promptly returning my hands and attention back to my plate. My decaf was nearly full. Damn those waitresses! So efficient! "It's fine for now, Mal?"

He hid a smile. He was drinking the regular, his cup nearly empty. "Sure, fill-er up."

She obliged and we returned to our food.

"Whew! That was close!"

Cap laughed. "Eat your breakfast."

We did.

After Cap had paid the bill, we went back to my place. The late night, the early morning and the food all conspired with Morpheus so that the two of us were, upon crawling into bed, nearly comatose.

"Mal?"

"Yeah?"

"That was delicious!"

"You're delicious." He kissed me-and then, we both fell asleep.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson-Reynolds

Christmas Boogers

It was a fair day in the month of May when the Captain whisked me off to our annual book club barbecue.

As he buckled me into the new multidimensional vehicle he had just built, I sneezed violently.

"Bless you," Mal handed me a tissue.

I blew. Ew. Bloody. And green. Christmas boogers. Yes, I was still sick.

"We don't have to go if you're feelin' poorly," Mal said. "I reckon we could go back to that nice hotel we went to on our honeymoon, have the help fetch you some tea and-"

"Barbecue." I said. "Can't miss the barbecue, they're having elections."

He sighed. "All right, but I hate to see you so sick and out of bed, darlin," he grinned. "Actually, I hate to not have you in bed most times." He kissed me passionately, which left me out of breath, because, well, quite frankly, I needed to blow my nose again.

When we arrived, I had already gone through half a box of tissues and I wondered if I was going to make it. I stuffed the rest of the box into my enormously over sized purse, which I had affectionately nicknamed "da poisse".

The Captain unbuckled me and pulled me upright and off we went to the door.

"Hilda! Mal!" Tom and Agnes chorused as they opened the door. Tom wore a knee length plaid pair of shorts coupled with a pale yellow golf shirt. Agnes was in a form fitting green dress. She looked adorable.

"Hey, Agnes, Tom," I hugged and kissed them both, as the Captain shook Tom's hand and bussed Agnes on the cheek.

They led us to the backyard where there was a choice: mojitos or margaritas.

"Darling, " I addressed Agnes, "Could I possibly have some hot tea?" I pointed to my unfortunate nose, which was starting to go red.

"Oh yes, of course. Hilda! What are you doing out of bed?"

"Well, I can't miss the elections. I missed them last year and we wound up with Harriet Duchune as treasurer." Harriet had been well meaning, but has not been able to keep track of all the money and had wound up with the both of us needing to go over to her pack ratty little house to dig up all the accounts. It had not been a fun afternoon, lemme tell you.

"Yes, that was unfortunate." Agnes said darkly. "I will be right back, Hilda. Lemon?"

"Yes, please, with honey."

The back year was beehive of activity. Husbands roamed the lawn and commandeered the grill. Chicken, glazed with barbecue sauce lay sizzling on the grill, next to finely seasoned t-bone steaks and grilling vegetables.

On the main table, there was a huge green salad made with arugula, jicama and beets in a creamy french dressing, along with red potato salad, complete with celery seed, onion and celery, a veritable gourmet's delight. I sighed. If only I had an appetite.

The Captain's eyes widened with pleasure as he grabbed a plate and dug into the goodies. He was in 7th food heaven. I coughed, bringing up a big hock of green phlegm and then blew my nose. Bloody. More Christmas boogers. I waited anxiously for my tea.

When we finally sat down, the meeting came to order and nominations were made, seconded and people were voted into office. I felt vindicated that I had come out to make sure that there was never again another Harriet debacle.

"Hilda?"

"Yes, Agnes?"

"Good show."

"Indeedy," I agreed. I held out my cup as Agnes poured me more tea.

"Would you like a cupcake?" Agnes offered.

"Well, I would be remiss if I didn't at least taste one," I said.

"Very true," the Captain concurred as he stuffed another one into his mouth.

The cupcakes were chocolate and vanilla striped cake, stacked one layer upon the other with the fluffiest white icing ever-and most fortunately of all, they were tiny so that one may enjoy a tiny bit without dire caloric consequences. I took one from Agnes and bit into it: heaven. The cake was moist with a rich texture that was complimented by the creamy vanilla icing that had been whipped into lightness that tripped and skipped its way onto the tongue. Delicious. Again I coughed.

"Hilda, that does not sound good," Agnes poured me more tea as I dug into my purse for more tissues.

I sighed. "I know, Cap will have to whisk me back home to bed any minute now."

Agnes nodded vigorously. "The elections are done, so it's time to put you back in bed."

"I couldn't agree more," the Captain took me by the hand and led me back to his vehicle, as I continued to produce Christmas boogers by the bucketful.

"Good barbecue," I said.

"Yes," the Captain agreed and paused,"I wonder where they put Brutus?"

I laughed. "Probably in the basement with an entire chicken."

As if on cue, Brutus emerged, barking at the car as we started it up.

"Oh, there he is!" I blew my nose loudly.

"Well, I'll be hornswoggled," Mal unrolled the window and gave the beast a patting. "Hey boy," as Brutus tried to wiggle his way into the vehicle. "No, buddy, we have to go," Mal shoved Brutus' snout out of the window and promptly closed it.

"That was close," I said.

"Aw, he's a good boy," Mal pressed the lift off button.

"Yeah, except he thinks I'm a chicken."

"True," Mal laughed, "but then again, you do taste good."

 In a trice we were back in my bedroom, with me lying on the bed, Mal kneeling between my thighs. "So much better than chicken," he licked me and fingered me until I came. "So nice," he said. "Now, get some rest." He got up off his knees and went into the kitchen to make me more tea.

I love my Captain.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson