Live from The Andaz

So- I mean, entonces! Since I am learning Espanol! I got my hair done (my hd lives downtown-well, not lives, but you know what I mean) and got a metered spot, which is free after six.

I phoned up a boy who had contacted me and with whom I had agreed to go out with and let him know my location.

At first, it was, "Well, we could just go to someplace in Hillcrest," but as I could not really rec' any restaurant there-as in Ono Sushi with their Denny's complex, he said to try the Andaz at the Hyatt.

At that point, I was hopped up out of my mind on caffeine, chocolate and champagne (my hd loved laHOHHVES me, can I just say?) Oh. And there was a cupcake. It was a red velvet with real cream cheese frosting. LAAA. The tender texture of the cake was the perfect foil for the rich creaminess of the frosting. This was served with a strawberry that had been dipped in chocolate and then dredged in chocolate chips. Mucho gusto! And there was a cute dog baby wandering around. My HD has a darling little bulldog who has been colored pink with vegetable dye.

So I came to the Hyatt and was greeted by an adorable boy who looked exactly like the second coming of my college bf. So cute. Oddly had the same name as my date, who has yet to arrive.

But to tell you of the surroundings. It's a palace of mahogany with marble walls and slick vanilla bean colored furniture. The bar has wine dispensers which are activated by a card which can be purchased from the bartender.

The bathrooms are extremely clean and private. As in, you COULD look under the stalls, but you'd be hard pressed to do so. At one point, I almost became locked in-flashback to the time when I was seven and on a bus-but I digress. I did make it out of the bathroom, it was a not push but pull or vice versa. Something like that.

My date has arrived. I must go.

Kiss,

Hilda Stinson

Chris: A Dream

In the audience, and yet somehow I am backstage and props are thrust into my hands and I am implored to go on.

I refuse. I'm not an understudy. I'm not part of this play. I'm only part of the audience. I don't know the lines!

And then, I am chastised for being backstage.

He appears. He's very tall, thin and blonde. And is it love? Perhaps it is, he is a bit older than I am, but it doesn't matter.

He has finally come.

And I am tortured. Who is he? Where did he come from?

And will there be cake?

Tune in next time-and know: there will always be cake!

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Giant Suzie Q(TM)

Last night as I was trying to get to sleep, and fending off the advances of the Captain, who let me be clear, has not been around very much lately, I thought about a giant Suzie Q (TM).

First I would be bathed in a soft tub that had a long tube at the end to crawl out of. At the end of the tube would be a Giant Suzie Q (TM) with its top off.

I would lie down naked, in the cream filling and dip my hand into the filling and take a small bite out of the chocolate portion. Ummm.

Then a large crane would lower the top of the Suzie Q on top of me, gently, right under my chin. Under my head would be a giant pillow made out of a marshmallow. At which point, I would drift off to sleep, cream filling in my hair and chocolate cake portion keeping me warm. Delicious.

In the morning, the Captain would come through the tube and gently nudge me to the other side of the cake, embrace me, and spread cream filling all over me, stopping only to feed me bits of Suzie Q (TM) and then, ultimately, lick every thing off, cover me and then, sated, we would fall asleep in the partially decimated Suzie Q (TM).

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

"They Always Come Back,"

said my friend Donna, back in the day.

Donna had the dubious distinction of being my sluttiest friend. If it moved, she fucked it. And she was crazy for anal sex. And she was famous for the fact that nobody ever broke up with her-or if they did, ultimately, they always came back.

Fast forward to today: I have somehow manifested her spirit. I got one email from a date I had last week. And, an email from someone I dated TWO years ago. So yeah, Donna was right. They always come back.

But you're not here for all this. You want your fix. So let's break it down, what we're really thinking about: food.

Lately, I've been having my usual whole cucumber (cut into chips) with the seaweed chips, you my darling readers know how I love them together. Well, I have kicked it up a notch by adding baby carrots and hummus to the mix. AND-here's the kicker, sometimes, I am too full to eat dinner! But not tonight.

Tonight, I had baby meatballs made of beef and pork.

I made the unfortunate mistake at lunch of realizing that they do not mix with Prager burgers and broccoli. HEARTBURN!

But after the my usual chippy/carrot/hummus snacky-it's okay. For now.

I will let you know.

The fantasy? This week? Soft white bread with butter. Frozen butter melting on my tongue and the soft bread wadding up in my mouth. Perfection. I can even lie down in a huge loaf of bread, cuddle up and sleep.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Porn ALERT!

http://www.facebook.com/media/set/fbx/?set=a.107789540691.130525.510605691&l=a72a39eecd

I have made a new friend. Uriel. And, can't you tell from his photos that he is an ANGEL!?

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

PS. If anybody out there in foodpornland would like to guest star, as has my darling Uriel, DO give us a write! KISS KISS!

A Slice of Captain and Me

The Captain materialized, completely unclothed, wearing only his gun belt and space weapons.

"Darling, you need to take that thing OFF."

"I thought I'd leave it on. Thought it'd be fun!"

"You can leave your hat on, but not your guns."

"I'm not wearing a hat."

I laughed and produced a sun hat from the closet. On him, it looked a bit surreal and it got in my way, so I removed it and joined him on the bed.

"So what is there to eat?" he asked.

"You're asking me, what I've got to eat?"

"I'm asking."

I showed him.

Afterwards, I presented him with pineapple cake with whipped white frosting and coconut shavings on the top. This was served with Blue Bunny(TM) chocolate ice cream with a dash of hot fudge. And whipped cream.

"Hilda?"

"Yes?"

"You make me really happy, shiny like."

"As do you," I said, kissing him and then slithering on top of him.

"I like the way you can fit your entire body on top of me," he ran his hand down to my bottom. "It's so small!"

I sighed and lay my head down on his chest and snuggled in for a nap. (I had had some cake too!)

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Sundae Sunday

Cap opened the door of the ship and walked out into the desert. He wore his usual trousers with suspenders, but today he had added a hat. Almost as if to match the hat, he carried a gun on each hip. He was ready to rumble.

"Dude, really? Two guns?"

"Never hurts to be ready."

"Yeah. Why'd you bring me here anyway?"

"I thought you'd like to see the future."

"Well, it's dismal and bleak and you know it. Let's go back to the manor house."

He looked hurt.

"Okay, okay, so this is your home. The ship, this future time, I get it. But we're not going to live HERE. I mean, we have our separate lives, you know this."

"I thought you'd like to see where I live."

"Babylove, I have and I know and it's painful."

He grinned. "I'm going to show you something fun." He took my hand and we walked a brief way.

"Where are we going? What are we doing?"

"It's a surprise, you know you like a good surprise."

"Well, what IS it?"

"Are you trying to ruin the surprise?"

"No."

"Are you?"

"Yes."

He kissed me and then picked me up and carried me over his shoulder. "I'm feeing mighty good today," he said.

"Put me down, please. Captain, please."

He kept walking.

"I'm going to throw up."

"Whupsy daisy!" he put me down. "Is that better?"

"Yeah. God almighty, Mal. Just because you're three times my size d'nt give you the right to just pick me up like that. Gorram it."

The trail opened up into a lush green garden with waterfalls and oddly, nestled in between the nature, there was a mall. Each store fitted into the landscape so cleverly that you could almost not see the stores.

"Is this- is this the surprise?"

"Kind of. We're going in here." There was an elevator made of glass that went right up along side the waterfall. Inside was a round red bed with satin sheets. "We can see out, but no one can see in," Mal pulled me close and kissed me. Gently he lay me down on the bed, lifted the top of my skirt up and pushed my panties to the side. "We don't have much time," he said, as he tasted me. "Oh you are so..mm," he tore open his trousers and quickly thrust inside me. "Here, you get on top," he said, maneuvering himself under me. I moved up and down and around. "Oh, baby, yes, yes," he said, moving under me and then, abruptly, "We have to stop." He fixed his trousers, and pulled me up, smoothing my skirt. "There's more, later."

"Well, damn, boy, I would hope SO."

The elevator door opened and the bed folded in on itself. Mal took my hand and we stepped out into a hallway that was white and shiny. There were doors upon doors, all white with handles that lit up when you went to open the door.

"We're going in here." Mal held the door for me and we went in.

It was an old fashioned ice cream parlor, complete with booths, a soda fountain and a counter with shiny red and silver stools that spun. We sat in a booth.

The waiter approached, "What can I do you for?"

"We'd like a large neopolitan sundae with hot fudge, marshmallow, whipped cream and nuts." Mal said. "Oh, and two spoons."

"Of course," said the waiter.

"Shiny. How did you know?"

"I know what my Hilda likes."

I laughed. "That you do, mon amour, that you do!"

When the sundae arrived, Mal thanked the waiter, paid him and told him not to come back, and then pushed a button and the walls grew around the booth. The table shrunk into a floor a bit and Mal took off all my clothes.

He lay me on the cold silver table, and took a spoonful of the sundae and dropped it between my breasts.

"How does that feel?"

"It's cold."

He promptly licked it off.

"It's warm."

He grinned and dolloped tiny spoonfuls from my solar plexus down to my naval. "You like this?" He sucked up the dollops and then began on my nipples. "You have the most gorgeous, um, I just," he licked and nibbled gently, stopping only to spoon ice cream on them.

"I think I'd like a little ice cream myself," I said, pushing him down on his back. I tortured his nipples with the cold and then sucked them clean, but the piece de resistance was what I did to the rest of him. I took tiny spoonfuls and balanced them on his cock and then I just licked it off. And then, I suckled him until he could no longer bear it.

He turned me on my stomach, ran his hand down my thigh and back to my glutes, "So small," he murmured, spooning ice cream onto my low back, he licked it off, rubbed my bottom and then turned me over and began on my thighs, and then up to and around my clit. "I have to, I have to," he slid into me and began to fuck. "Oh, Hilda. Hilda. Hildaaaaa." He pulled out and sat on the booth portion. He turned my body and raised the table a little bit. "Now for what I really like to eat," he said. And he did. Did he EVER!

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Boy Scorned

Hell hath no fury a boy scorned.

Yesterday I was boy shopping, as is my wont, when I was hailed.

We talked for a bit. It was friendly at first, but then, things took a turn for the nasty! He started to insult me in various ways. Then, it escalated into, "I hate you!" (where did THAT come from?)

But then, I realized, I had completely forgotten that I'd met him. And told him I had absolutely no desire to be his fuck buddy (aw. widdly puddy duddy got reJECTed).

He was just not appealing. Tattoos. Very hairy.

But the best thing about the conversation? Not once did he call me fat.

NOT ONCE.

And isn't THAT something to celebrate!?

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Cookies and Cream Bagel Dots

Yes. That's what I'm calling them because I can't remember what they are called.

I had a coupon for Einstein's bagels-and since my time was upon me, it was justified to eat the bad carbohydrates that they provide.

When I arrived, the pickings were slim. As in: no pumpernickel, which I love. Even if Napoleon hated it. So I tried the potato bagel, which wasn't bad. I had a Nova Lox bagel, complete with real cream cheese (extra creamy), tomato slices, capers and LAAAAAAA, the lox. Which was fabulous and fishy. Well, not TOO fishy. It was smoked salmon! This was served with a side of creamy potato salad, which had a teeny tiny crunch of celery in it, just a hint. And of course, a diet Coke(TM)-and this time, no lemonade was mixed in as I usually do. I just wasn't in the mood for it!

But the piece de' resistance was the cup of bagel dots, which I had "won" from their "Flip the Lip" sweepstakes. Oh MY. All the joy and taste of cookies and cream without the heavy gravity of the actual cookie portion. The little dots were a taste of chocolate sweetness, tempered by the white icing and the way they felt in the mouth.

I give you: Ode to the Cookies and Cream Bagel Dots (that are too soon gone)

Stop.

Sweet softness fills

my mouth.

The chocolate, the glazing

the taste

amazing

and POP

another goes in.

Until-they are all

(sadly) gone.

I remain,

Hilda Stinson

Lasagna Dreams/KFC (TM) obsession and donut salvation

I have encountered a new kind of sausage. It's from Trader Joe's of course. A chicken sausage, believe it or not-and I want to make a lasagna with it.

I'm thinking an alfredo sauce, to make it extra fattening, with white pepper, layered with spinach pasta, and sun dried tomatoes.

And lots and lots of cheese. Also, tiny chopped bits of chicken breast that's been seasoned with balsamic vinegar. I dunno. It just came to me. Served with soft garlic bread with crispy edges. And a nice white sparkling wine. And, oh-all right! Green beans. God! You are relentless, my darling fans!

But back to chicken. Today I had an evil plan: I was going to go to KFC and buy a five dollar value meal. I was going to get two pieces of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy and ? plus a biscuit and an icy cold Diet Pepsi (TM), but I was effectively prevented by a chocolate donut I found in the break room. It was an Entenmann's(TM) chocolate covered donut. The chocolate was waxy and smooth in my mouth and bits of powdered sugar from its mates stuck to it. I licked the box clean of crumbs. Delicious. And that! That! Saved me from going to KFC.

I remain, hopelessly in love (with food),

Hilda Stinson