Promises, promises

It is my ambition to get a camera. A real camera to where I can upload photos onto my computer (when I get the new baby, which should be with me soon.)

I will take pics of notable pornalicious food for you, my dear readers to salivate over and fantasize.

Now for today's dish: so to speak.

Last night I dreamed that I had moved in with Serena Van de Wootson (ala Gossip Girl) and that even though I wasn't attracted to her, I kissed her on the lips anyway. She was surprised, but she liked it. (rolls eyes)

Being a fictional character isn't easy, especially in your very own infancy, but I do want to tell you about my day.

Breakfast was the usual: whey protein with cacao chips, three tiny squares of dark chocolate and half a banana. Yes, I know that "nobody eats half a banana"-well, I DO, so there.

Snack was also the usual: an apple and seven raw brazil nuts.

(uh oh, you're starting to think I'm WAAAY to healthy to be a food pornographer. I don't care what you think. I'm ficticious and can do anything I WANT (sticks out tongue))

Lunch. Okay, lunch lacked imagination. It was a diet salad from Trader Joe's and a can of sardines. Chocolate yogurt. I felt too full. Which was interesting. But keeping a close eye on the food intake is paramount to the degree in which I can enjoy it. I can't enjoy food unless I'm truly hungry. Or fantasizing about it. When I fantasize, I don't have to eat.

This afternoon's conversation was about eating alligator. Yes. Alligator.

"Well," I said, "if you deep fry anything it will taste like chicken."

And, as we all know, anything deep fried is by its very nature delicious.

We also spoke of McDonalds. And you know what? I thought a Big Mac had over 700 calories, but when we looked it up, it was only about 470. Interesting. I'm still not going to eat one.

On the way home from work, I thought about McDonalds. The french fries. I just wanted a small fries. It was all I wanted. But instead, I thought about tummies smothered in cellulite and went to Trader Joe's instead.

At the market, I purchased almost exactly the same lunch I had today for tomorrow, except I decided to try a Yoplait yogurt which I would have to purchase from Ralphs. Well, guess what? It has high fructose corn syrup in it. Yeah. And after all that blathering on tv about how, "Oh, I even LOST weight." Oh really? Well maybe because you stopped eating donuts? OMG. I am so sick of food companies bragging about how great they are for weight loss and then they go and put HFC in their products. Pisses me off no end. So I looked at Light and Fit (a product hawked by one of my alter egoes, Heidi Klum) and I was shocked. Red dye number 40. Really? So I found a generic brand that only had the sin of sucrolose (chlorine sugar) and acesulfamate K to dis-rec it. But only 80 calories, which was a lot less than today's chocolate yogurt.

When I got home, I ate a can of tomato soup and a peanut butter/flax seed blend sandwich on sprouted wheat bread. Delicious. Then a nap. I was tired.

For dinner a tiny filet (I love filet mignon and think that it should be considered a drug of sorts-the way it makes me feel!), a few sprigs of broccoli and half a yam (a small one). Then green tea with a Ben & Jerry's cookie dough single serving. Bam. Too much food. But the ice cream was sublime. The cookie dough and the chocolate chips and the creamy texture of the ice cream. Veritable foodgasm.

Tomorrow I will repent and turn to Jesus....