Chinese Food Heaven

Last night, I died and went to Chinese Food Heaven.

My friend Dave came and collected me around seven, as the parking in Hillcrest, center of the gay universe, is crazy non-existent on a Saturday night.

"Would you like to drive?" he asked.

"What?"

"Just kidding," he said. "What would you like to get?"

"Chinese cream cheese wonton's," I said, practicing my dead on delivery Chinese accent.

"Well, let's have a look-see on Yelp," he took out his IPhone and began playing with it. Then he handed it to me, the veritable Luddite, to navigate. But of course, it was all Hillcrest because it's set up to give you restaurants nearest to your location.

So we drove to Clairmont and I realized: Dave is a lousy driver. He's worse than I am. When he asked me if I wanted to drive, he wasn't kidding.

Eventually, we wound up at a convenience store because I HAD to have a Coke. Not a Pepsi. A real Coke. With sugar. Not diet. A rare craving.

In the store I found that they had Vanilla Coke! So I put back the regular and brought the Vanilla up to the register. The guy in front of me was buying an energy drink. He had out a fiver and some ones and assorted coinage.

"I didn't realize that those drinks were so expensive," I said.

"Yeah, they're addictive. Don't ever get hooked on them," he said.

"I avoid caffeine anyway," then glancing at my Vanilla Coke, "usually."

Luckily, I found two dollars in my purse because I did not want to have to break out the plastic. The cashier handed me my change and I left, but not before the customer in front of me commented on my eyes, "They're hazel, aren't they?"

I nodded.

"You're lucky, mine are just brown," he said. "But I guess we're all lucky in our own way."

With that, I left and found Dave in the car, hot on the trail of a Chinese restaurant.

The first place we called and it didn't have the cream cheese wonton. So that was out.

But the second place did. So we Googled on over, parked (someone was leaving at that very moment, thank GOD, (I was STARVING!) and went inside.

The interior of the restaurant was very beautiful. White table clothes and red upholstered chairs. The only flaw was that the restrooms were outside and there was this moment, when I believed that the light didn't work and it was dark and it was scary. But then I figured it out. It was on some weird timer device. Whatever! NOT happy with the bathroom.

First, the waitress. She was the epitome of Chinese pulchritude. When I pointed out how cute she was to Dave, he just kind of shrugged. He didn't even notice! What a guy!

The first to arrive was the fried wonton. It was served with a plum sauce with hot mustard (not the "real" kind of hot mustard, but it was still good, as I hate the real kind anyway.) Delicious.

Next, the beef and scallop melody in a luscious brown sauce with broccoli and pea pods! I wanted to marry the chef, sight unseen!

And then there was pork friend rice (which looked kind of lame at first, but it tasted a LOT better than it looked) which was AMAZING. The bits of pork were tender and the peas and the rice just blended together so well. And even the egg was innocuous (I had forgotten to order it without egg). And it wasn't greasy.

I would take the beef and scallops in the saucy sauce and then spoon the fried rice over it.

Chinese Food heaven!!!!

And the name of this place?

I'm not going to tell you unless you pay me lots and lots of money.

It was crowded enough in there!

I remain, always,

Hilda Stinson