I Am NOT A Chicken!!!!

The invite said, "Bring doggie goodies."

It was a baby shower for my friend Agnes' new dog baby, Brutus. It had been about a year since she had first gotten him from the breeder and she felt that it was now time to introduce him into society.

Mal had flown me in especially for the party. "Now you have a good time, darlin'," he kissed me.

"I will. Are you sure you can't come with?"

"I really need to go, my crew needs me."

"Well, all right. I shall bring back some of Agnes' cookies."

"I surely do am looking forward," he said.

And then he kissed me and handed me the present we'd picked out together for the new dog baby. "Chocolate" chip doggie biscuits that had been lovingly placed into a fancy doggie dish and covered with cellophane. "Safe trip," I told him.

And he was off. I found my way to the gate.

When she answered the door, Agnes, seemed a bit agitated. "Ah, hello," she said. "Give me a mo'. " She pushed what seemed to be a rather large object to the side and said to it, "DOWN, boy." Turning to me, she opened the door and said, "Do come in. BRUTUS! LIE DOWN. So sorry," she took the cellophane covered dog dish. "Oh this IS lovely. Thank you, so much. BRUTUS!"

The dog was upon me. His large paws pulled the front of my tank top down and his tongue rolled and licked my face.

"I am NOT a chicken!" I roared at the dog.

He then tried to fit his mouth around my wrist as if to say, "What nonsense! Of course you are!"

Agnes removed his mouth and wrestled him to the ground. "BRUTUS! DOWN! I am so terribly sorry, Hilda. Please DO have a seat."

Brutus was pushed away and led into the kitchen by his collar while I sat on the couch, which was, unfortunately, covered with dog hair.

"There, I'm terribly sorry," Agnes emerged from the kitchen carrying a pot of tea and a plateful of cookies.

"Um, am I the first to arrive?"

Agnes sighed. "Actually no. To be completely honest with you, this was a terrible idea. Brutus is just not ready."

"Ah, so others have come and gone?"

"I'm afraid so. But I have locked him away in the kitchen so that we can

have our tea. You do still want to stay for tea?"

"Oh yes, darling, of course, you always make a stunning tea."

And it was. The cookies were an assortment of homemade chocolate mint cookies, peanut butter chocolate chip and plain sugar. Fortunately Agnes had made them all in miniature so that I could afford to try each kind.

The chocolate mint cookie , melted in my mouth, the dark chocolate blending superbly with the mint. I took a sip of green tea. And then I reached for the peanut butter chocolate chip. It had just the right salty/sweet peanut taste, expertly blended with the chocolate chips and crunched perfectly. Last, the sugar cookies were tender and moist with large visible sugar crystals on the top which felt a bit rough on the roof of my mouth. Nevertheless, I found that each cookie was wonderful in its own way.

"These cookies are simply divine," I told her.

"Yes, it has been awhile since I've had occasion to bake. My son Estaban is home from Harvard and he does adore my cookies."

"I don't believe I've met Estaban," I said.

"Well," she chuckled, "he's a bit worse than the dog. I find that I cannot introduce him to my friends, particularly the more attractive ones because he always tries to seduce them," she paused. "Actually, to be completely honest, it's more like he tries to molest them."

"Molest them? Now that's a bit odd."

"It is. It happens at parties mostly. They get a bit drunk and he leads them off to his room-removes their clothes-and then satisfies himself and when they protest that he hasn't done anything for them, he simply shrugs, puts forth a half hearted effort and then leaves the scene. Dreadful boy."

"Have you spoken to him about it?"

"Well, you know, being his mother it's hardly my place. But you'd think that one of my friends would, you know, take him in hand so to speak and help him to learn. Apparently he's dreadful. You wouldn't be interested?"

"Oh my dear no! To have to teach a young boy. I can't imagine anything more tedious."

"Neither can I."

She paused, "How is Mal doing?"

"He's fine. He's on ship right now, off killing dragons and whatnot."

"He's so SEXY. You are so lucky to have him."

"Indeed. If only HE could teach Estaban. Of course, he wouldn't. He just doesn't DO college boy. Or any boy at all you know. He's not "sly" that's for sure. The young ones are dreadful though, so persistent."

"I know. I'm constantly fighting off Estaban's friends. Dreadful little pervs."

"I heartily agree!"

We sipped our tea in silence for a moment. A loud whining noise was coming from the kitchen.

"Oh dear, I'm afraid I must check on Brutus, please excuse me," Agnes got up and opened the door to the kitchen, at which point, Brutus came bounding out, his tongue out and on his face was a huge doggie smile.

"Hello, there, boy," I said.

Brutus came over to me, hopped up on my lap and proceeded again, to mistake me for a chicken.

"I am NOT a CHICKEN!!!!!"

I remain,

Hilda Stinson